I have been thinking about obsession. I am not here to defend the guy for not telling the girl that he loved her when she asked him about it. Because that is obviously the right thing to do. But I don't think the wish the guy made in itself is a bad wish.

Let's start with what love is. In my opinion, the love is everything positive there is. Everything good there is. Love is everything that not only makes you happy, but also everything that makes your partner happy. And that is my opinion on what love is. Love has boundaries, love has trust. Love has respect for each other's individuality. I don't know how far it is from the truth of what exactly love actually is. And yes, I know that something cannot entirely be positive. Like something cannot entirely be negative. So I'm surely wrong about love here, but that's what I expect love to be. Entirely positive.

So, if you take that to an extreme, (madly in love) then, isn't it supposed to be the most heavenly feeling? The most trusted person is the person you love. They respect your boundaries and you do the same, they respect your individuality and you do too, they make you happy and you make them happy and everything positive there is and there can be. Right???

Yes, the title of the movie correctly portrays the premise and the story of the movie. But wishing for your crush to fall in love with you, in my opinion, is not the worst wish somebody would make. If I had to make a wish and I knew that I loved this girl, I too would wish for the girl to love me too. Isn't that obvious? Once you know how the story goes, it feels like a wrong decision to wish for the girl to love you back because you know the consequences. But what about what you think love is? Because if you think of love as an entirely positive thing, then why wouldn't you wish for it?

It feels like I'm going around in circles. Let me get to the bottom of it.

I went ahead and did some research on how science defines love. And by research I mean I watched someone else's research on youtube.

It took me a whole day to complete watching the video, because I watched the world cup match and slept and woke up and ate and resumed watiching the video. And I think I'm confident enough to explain what love is according to science to you.

So, If I had to explain love referencing modern science. Biologically love is a feeling that makes a person do illogical and irrational and stupid things due to it being a combination of multiple factors like lust, romantic attraction and attachment. Lust makes you want to have sex directly relating to making offsprings. Attachment help you stay with your partner lifelong, likely for the protection of the said offspring. And, Romantic Attraction which makes you feel like the person you love is a part of your own life and also plays a role in turning off the very special part of your brain that is used for critical thinking and judgement that results in obsession and bad judgement keeping you from second guessing your partner.

Well that's something new I learned today.

I assume that you didn't expect a complete 360 of my opinion, but it's a new day toady. And, now that I know that love includes obsession and not just in a cute way but in an illogical and bad judgement kind of way, I wouldn't wish for her to madly fall in love with me.

I came here to say that Love was portrayed in a negative manner in that movie, but well I think I was wrong. I guess not even love is sunshines and rainbows all the way.

Hmmmm, So if being in love means not judging or not second guessing your partner's decisions, then falling out of love means that you are critically thinking, logically judging and second guessing them and their decisions. This new information is somehow not surprising yet very devastating to know. I wanted love to be all the positive there is.

If you read this till the end, thankyou but sorry. Have a nice day! <3

I started writing this yesterday at 2026-07-07T21:13:57+05:45 and it's currently 2026-07-08T11:38:27+05:45 when I finished writing it.

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Ref: Speaker as a Microphone - Why can a speaker work as a microphone?
I forgot where I learned about it.

Similar to how motors when spinned produce electricity, the diaphram of the speaker can also be vibrated to produce a varying signal that resembles the input sound. That makes sense.

2. Moden WI-FI routers use the property of wave to have constructive and destructive interference with each other to direct the radio signal toward the device.

Source: Steel Absorbs Gas Like a Sponge

Instead of pointing the router/antenna toward the device, it changes the phase of an array of signal/wave being transmitted to constructively interfere toward the zone of the device, and destructively interfere on other regions. I ahd almost forgotten that there are more than one ways to imporve things...

3. There exists cells extracted from a human that hasn't died since 1951.

Source: Michael Discovered A New Way To Make Twins

There is an immortalized cell line used in scientific research called HeLa. These cells are durable and prolific, allowing for extensive applications in scientific study and medical research. It is derived from cervical cancer cells taken on February 8, 1951, from Henrietta Lacks, a 31-year-old African-American woman, after whom the line is named. Lacks died of cancer on October 4, 1951. Actually, it should be living since - before 1951, because the cells were extracted on 1951, they must have grown before that.

4. Hypnotism is Real

Source: Nikola Tesla Fell In Love With A Pigeon

Michael David Stevens Vsauce said he believes in it, so I was intreagued, before that video I didn't I would even refuse to believe that it was real. I used to compare it to magic more than science, but it seems I was wrong.

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Don't accept what you are given.

Nobody is going to give you what you want, they are going to give you what they want to give you; for their own reasons.

- The Antagonist from Spider Noir

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When I realized that most people didn't like how I communicated, I began to make every sentence I state also be a sarcastic point. Because my general rule of thumb was, if they are happy (smiling/laughing) they aren't not liking what I had to say. But. This now backfired making me "direct", straight and an unserious speaker.

When you are used to people laughing at your jokes, you like it. But, the same jokes doesn't always work and you have to one up your unhingeness to carry more shock-value. Because, what is a joke if not an unexpected twist. I was using the same tactics to get peoples attention that the current social media algorithms prefer.

When the love of something can make a bond, hate for the same thing creates bond faster. Well, I think something becomes unhealthy when you overdo things, over consume things, and not because it inherently is unhealthy. So if something is easy to do and it gives pleasure/satisfaction faster there is a more change of that thing being overdone or over consumed. So, somewhere along these years I somehow turned to hatebonding as opposed to bonding through enthusiasm and a love of something.

These are some of my mistakes in life, going through bachelors. But, are all mistakes worthy of sharing? Do I have to be truthful at all costs. Should I accept my mistakes in front of everyone or is it sufficient that I am honest about my mistakes to myself. I guess that's another weakness of mine that I cannot lie and even if I try, I will cave and give the truth after some time. Which has absolutely worsened some of my relations.

To know about things is such a burden. It was very easy to make jokes and comments and just talk when I didn't know about political correctness and all the things a person can be. Now that I have a basic knowledge about thing every word has to be filtered, and well thought through.

[_ Thing I want to say. > Is it racist? > Is it sexist? > Is it misogynistic? > Is it conservative? > and on and on and on... _] I don't want to be any of those things. I am not any of those things, but I also don't want to be framed as any of those things due to my poor choice of words. But, that's too much of processing to do for a normal friendly conversation and I hate it. hatebonding?

Am I being a people pleaser? People will say whay they want to say? And should I just filter the positives?

I realize why people are introverted.

I'll be back!

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I keep going cold turkey on smartphone, most importantly YouTube but after a while all the time I have saved will just go into waste, because of I guess withdrawals. Sometimes when I give myself a treat after some study session, sometimes just out of boredom.

Recently bubbles has replaced YouTube for me as a healthier alternative to YouTube. But, it has also been my another means of procrastination. Me calling it healthy is just lying to myself that I did something else that isn't a waste of time (isn't a "brainrot"), but I should have been studying for exams.

Blogging is another way of procrastinating for me. If you're my friend from college reading this, you already know the amount of blog I write during exams. So, I am not going to write any blog for the next two weeks now. Focus entirely on exams.

Will not be watching YouTube from Homepage/Recommendations just only the things I search.

I'll be reading the blog you people write though, so you people just keep writing. You people are my only source of Infotainment for some time now.

Most importantly I'll be studying, really this time! So, the now page I wrote last year and never changed will remain constant again for 12 days.

See, you at 20th May. Wish me luck!

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I have a very specific taste on tech related things. I prefer Linux and I like android. But, growing up I didn't get to experience tech the same way my friends did. Or, at least I experienced it very differently.

The Context

Being from a third world country, there was always a delay before everyone adopted new tech. When computers were a household item in first world countries, it was a luxury here. And, while that gradually shifted and my friends who had their own house on the city I lived in had computers and laptops they played games on and consumed content. I was very little back then, but though my friends had those things, my parent didn't let me have a feeling that we were actually poor. I grew up exploring all the setting pages on "keypad" phones, then when dad bought a new phone, (still keypad), Nokia X2-00 I used Google on the "keypad" phone.

I downloaded small java games on the keypad phone and played on it, without dad realizing that while I downloaded the games his balance would decrease by 2 points. From Snake then Bounce then Diamond Rush then to playing Ben 10 and Assassin's Creed and even open world games similar to "GTA" that I found on the internet, I explored a lot. I didn't know what a Browser was or what all the settings in it like syncronization meant. But, I knew it was a place where I can download games from, or search for google.com and later facebook.com. I was very occupied with phones, and when we went back to our village during holidays I was the one fixing all peoples issues on their phones and giving them games and music and all. (I was the rich kid on the village.) People called me "A phone bug"; because I was always attached to phones and knew its way around, like how bugs are always attached to a fruit and live in it.

But, what I always wanted was a Laptop, like my friends had. I wanted to play games PES, GTA, etc like my friends did. But, games were almost a bad word in the household because it took away from study time and homework time which was much more important. Playing games on phones, on computers is bad is what my parents thought. While they surely couldn't afford buying a computer at that time, the possibility of me spending time on games was a big risk they didn't want to take on their only son's future. But, I was fixated on having a laptop.

Then there was an era of smartphones, with Gionee (RIP) and then affordable MI phones.

Then dad built a house on the city and took on a lot of loan, we didn't have to pay rent and we had a house of our own. Then the coronavirus happened. Haha! no it's not a time jump I am not that young. My dad is a teacher and so is my mom, there was a pressure to shift to online classrooms and zoom calls. He had to buy a laptop, and I also was old enough to make good decisions (or so he thought). So, he proposed to buy a bare minimum laptop which could fulfill his needs and is also cheap. And from my 10 years or knowledge of watching reviews and everything. I chose a laptop with 4GB ram, 1TB SSD and a Ryzen 3 processor, with four cores (While the Intel i3 had only two.). After getting the laptop and getting to most up-to date software I was very excited. By, up-to date I mean Windows 11 Dev(Worst) Edition The laptop could only handle one browser and that was all.

The next day I searched the whole house for my dad's pendrive, found a 2GB drive and started searching for Linux distros. My choice was either mint or ubuntu but eventually I realized that the only ISO I can burn in that tiny pendrive was the Arch ISO. I spent the whole day installing Arch Linux and the whole night fixing the WI-FI drivers. So, I have a very little knowledge about windows. Because, arch ran like butter with multiple apps running simultaneously compared to Windows 11 Dev Edition. Dad didn't know the difference between Linux and Windows so, he didn't mind. We used to go on morning walks and I used to explain what RAM, Processors, Linux, Distro, DE etc. were. He used to keep nodding and I used to explain passionately.

But, that still wasn't mine, it was dads. It wasn't the laptop I wanted. I decided to study Computer Engineering Purely because of the love for computers, though I am struggling a lot with math and electronics now. as my bachelor degree and then finally I got a new laptop I really wanted.

That was the context, now lets come to the main topic.

Why am I writing this?

I have a sister, and the conditions of our financial situation isn't the same as when I was a kid. But, I can see the history repeating. It's been a few years and my sister has constantly asked for an iPhone. "All my friends have an iPhone, only I don't have one." She is 15 years old and we yes including me like always have always been playing safe. We are afraid that all she is going to do is spend time on watching and making TikToks and Reels.

I also know that you people already know how unhealthy social media is for kids.

She has been using an old tablet I got and dad's old laptop as her own to do anything on the internet. And dad's and mom's phones to make TikToks and capture pictures. The old tablet is a Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 from ancient time which I flashed Lineage OS on, which had Android Kitkat running. It's very slow but it works.

Until yesterday, I was against buying her a phone. But, today I realized that I don't want an iPhone to be the "Goal" for anything she does. Like having my own laptop was for me. Because I do have a laptop but I am failing many subjects on computer engineering because I just don't have the will to do maths, not that having fulfilled my "goal" is a reason for not studying. Playing safe isn't the way to "save" the future of someone. I think she should get what she wants and get to explore why she wanted it and move on to wanting greater things.

But, iPhone isn't cheap and we all use "mid range" android phones that costed like $300. It'll be a big investment on an "Experiment" but if there is no experimentation and no research, there will never be development. I can take the example of my own country or even my campus for that.

I want my sister to dream big, dream of better things, than dream of an iPhone. I'm afraid because my sister doesn't even have an answer to the question of "What do you want to be?" other that that she wants to be rich and have an "iPhone", When kids of her age have at least an answer be it adorable.

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After completing high school with an average score, I decided on studying Computer Engineering for my bachelor's degree. I thought I'd love it, after all it's going to be all computers right? I was so naive.

While I loved playing with tech and dreaming about the future of computers and technology, the First Semester of Computer Engineering hit me hard. I passed just 2 out of 6 total subjects. And those were Computer Programming and Engineering Drawing I. I failed Engineering Physics, Engineering Mathematics I, Basic Electrical Engineering and Applied Mechanics.

While I failed them, I kept consolidating myself that, "If I had studied, I'd have passed, I didn't study, so, I failed." The next 6 semesters went the same way, I'd pass a few subjects and fail a lot. I kept consolidating myself that when I start studying I'll finally pass everything. Everything will be all right in the end. I never started studying. this is the worst possible mentality one can have, and the sole reason why I have so many backs to clear today after 4 years of joining engineering

While I had an image of myself as a good student from my past, I failed to realize that I was the worst student of my class. I was at the very end of every result. I am not even in the results. In the last year, everything started to overload me, I have no time, I made routines, I made plans, I thought I'd do this and that and pass all the subjects that I have failed. But, when the exams started I'd get paralyzed from studying, I feared of not having time, I feared failing, and in order to distract myself I'd binge watch YouTube and movies. In the Seventh Semester, I failed all the back exams I had applied for and even managed to fail on one of the regular subjects.

Making plans and having the mental visualization of what'd be when I finish executing that plan is very mesmerizing in the head. By feeling that I've already done it without even doing anything, I kept procrastinating and making hypothetical and awesome plans instead of actually doing something. It has brought me to this pathetic state in life.

I don't know what it is, but my brain has adapted to do anything but study when it's time to study. I cannot even comprehend basic mathematics, I give up immediately. This isn't good, I have so many math heavy subjects to pass. Yet, a simple mathematical question exhausts me immediately.

Then there's AI, while I loved to dabble in shell scripts and programs here and there, AI took all my scripting confidence from me. Suddenly I was bad at everything even at what I thought I was good at. I started exclusively using AI to code and I feel like I am too dependent on it. It's similar to how I feel about math. I give up evey easily.

This is bad, this is very bad!

It's now the end of the last semester, I had big ideas, big plans, but, everyone except me will almost certainly leave the town. While they came to study here, I am a native and I lived with my parents in comfort while they cooked their own food and washed their clothes themselves and managed everything along with studying and passing the exams. I on the other hand have failed miserably while the only thing I had to do was study.

The shame that never touched me for 4 whole years is now creeping in. I am almost constantly in the situation of "what could have been if ...". Now, I'm Insecure about my academic status as well as the skill I have accumulated. Neither do I have a good academic degree nor can I craft something entirely with my own hands and brain that might show my skills. I dabbled in robotics, and terminal and linux and software engineering, I tried to learn the best possible language there is by skipping all the fundamentals yes, looking at you rust hypetrain

I wish I could end this text with a positive ending but the ending isn't happy or positive. I'm now about to be almost alone, trying to complete what I didn't in four years. It's all the difficult subjects because, well I passed the easy ones. I don't know how I'm going to do it or how long it takes or how humiliating it'll be to still live on my parents money, but I need to turn this around.

Ambitions don't fulfill themselves! Especially not the ones I have.

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So, saying bye is like saying Be With You very rapidly. Which makes saying bye to someone, very romantic to me.

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But, even more tasty when paru makes it.

I'm eagerly waiting for the next recipe. gimme something fasfasfasss

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• Throwing sick burns: A "burn" is a witty insult or a comeback that leaves the other person speechless. "Sick" in this context is slang for excellent, impressive, or intense. To "throw" one just means to deliver it.

• What's up: In this specific grammatical structure, it means "what is happening," "what is trendy," or "the way things are."

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But, when the time comes to get paid, it doesn't work well for me. First, they judged my worth so low than what I anticipated which made me reject their offer and then I gave them some time to rethink their offer. But now that so many days have gone by with me not getting paid that I feel bad for not negotiating it beforehand.

I don't know if I should have expected less or if they aren't being very professional. But, I wasn't very professional either. Let's hope they reconsider and I get paid well. I know that it's not going to reach my expectations but let's see what happens.

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So, let's quit together!

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I love eating. XD C'mon! Post some already.

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Welcome Back!

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I built the app and edited this post. Letsgooo!

Fluxxxxxxx!

So, I have somewhat completed the app, and it's called flux.

I keep adding features and the "almost complete" app is far from being complete. I remembered this book cover:

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Every once in a while,
I remember you.
Not always,
Not even yesterday.
It was today.
Every memory of you,
it is fresh in my mind.
Maybe, this time, science failed,
memories do live in the heart.
Though it burns, and hurts,
it's a pain of love,
that I'll get to experience.
Even a single picture of you,
brings back countless memories.
I can only imagine,
experiences you been through.
I'll never know.
But, my teenage is entirely you,
And sometimes, all my todays.
I don't think I,
can ever forget your eyes,
the first time I saw you
from that small window.
I can never forget my urge,
to save you a seat near me.
Not caring about anyone else,
it was a boon,
a strength yet a weakness.
Glimpses of your muddy shoes,
and us under the same umbrella.
Memories of you,
smiling,
and,
your pink stained shirt.
It's keeps me warm,
when I feel low.
The fire you've lit,
it keeps burning inside me,
eternal,
since I met you.
Yet, I'll never get that chance,
to share that warmth with you.
The time may pass,
the seasons may change,
and the world may rewrite itself.
But, you're always there,
hidden under my cold heart.
Just waiting for a memory,
a spark,
to pick me up,
to push me forward.
No matter what happens,
you'll always be my love.
My first ever.
My external sunshine.
My ethereal possession.
In my daydreams,
in my memories,
always with me.
Forever.
Hoping.
I'll never,
see you again.

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some ships sail and some sink down,
some request and some order loud,
some suggest and some seek control,
some just care and some insecure,
some love bites and some scars,
some romantics, others try hards,
some love and some simp trips,
some notice and some are creeps,
some emotional, some babies weep,
some support and some judge weak,
some admire and some too close,
some are good but not all those.

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Having dreams and ambitions and goals is a good thing. Yeah! Until you dream of more things without achieving the previous dream. Then, the dreams pile up. Almost like a baggage that's pulling you back. You keep dreaming, and you keep sleeping. That's the worst loop one can fall into.

Is there a limit on what I can do? Yep! There is always a limit. What do I want? What do I afford to dream. What can I achieve with the things I already have. Have I utilized what I have to the maximum potential to achieve my goals?

The answer is no.

So, when will I do that? When will I stop being a slave of capitalism and stop wanting new things. Piling new thing up and not using them before I want another thing that will "completely rewire myself and increase my limits".

Yeah! It is in one's nature to be curious of something one doesn't have. To want the things that one doesn't own. But, what after you have it? The search will always continue for a newer better thing.

Then again, I feel like acceptance is the solution only when you just don't want to and don't have to progress.

So, what happened is that I saw a thing that's new to me. And I want the thing. And to have that thing I dream of multiple ways that might improve my life and doors it might open if I use it to the fullest. And then the limitations hit. And maybe, just maybe, that's the push I need to wake up from the sleep, and start working.

I don't know how it originated but I seem to be in a default, stereotypical, normally bad thought process if I don't have prior experience on it myself.

Like, thinking breakups only end in people parting from each other in a bad term because why part if everything was going well. And after a breakup they wouldn't see, meet, talk or "communicate" with each other, because why would they. If you didn't have a bad term during the relationship, then well there must be one so, fabricate it and believe that was the reason why it tipped. And finally hate the person that you thought you loved once. Only then a breakup is a breakup. A successful breakup.

Well that is my thought process on breakups because I really don't know what needs to happen after one. Something needs to happen right? Otherwise why is it such a hyped topic? I wonder if I'll ever get an answer to these questions. But, nowadays I seem to believe that "nothing" can happen too.

Oh! The things I bother my brain thinking about. There probably is another explanation for this heartburn.

So, I tend to think too much and do less. Everyone used to say that you should think a 1000 times before deciding to say something. That was something, I used to brag with when someone complained that I answered too slow. I never realised when the questions went from questioning the appropriateness to question myself to questioning life to contradicting myself to overthinking.

I always think of a radical approach when something doesn't work. But, I enjoy doing things from scratch. And enjoy even more when doing things from scratch feels easy. Or maybe I had a privilege of having too much free time.

Talking about dreams, wants, and limitations. And this might sound like a crybaby way to win at something. But, there came a situation when I might have to only eat vegetarian food. That was a limitation on what I enjoyed eating. But, since it was new to me, I wanted to experiment what if I actually became a vegetarian for a year and see how that does. Then I dreamt of being a better person who would know what vegetarians go through and maybe I would even gain insights on how it would affect on my health. And now I just can't stop without doing the experiment.

Let's see how much the temptations affect me. I also know that it wouldn't bother me if something had meat (was "contaminated" with meat) and I had to eat it. I just don't want to fail the experiment.

Last question. How do I get protein from now on?

I don't know, I am weird like this.

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I basically have two personas here, one the writer me and another the commenter/explainer me. Hey! that's me! So, judging me entirely by this blog alone will be like judging a kid for making mistakes.

Interactions

Blabbering in the wind just doesn't cut it for a learning process. This might calm me down but it wont give me clarity. I might get clarity by researching things by myself but I want a natural approach. Someone envisioned that communnications in the web can also be decentralized as well as interactive and drafted the concept of webmentions, and that resonated with me. As opposed to communicating via a social media being limited to their visual design, I wanted something that had structure but still can be personalized.

I decided to make this into a template and not just my personal site because I found out that there aren't many people who use webmentions as a form of communication. And if there are, they aren't someone who would interact to my silly ramblings. Also, this site is heavily inspired by Manu's site because of it's simplicity (I don't credit him enough, this design it so brilliant.), but I added a bunch of complexities to it.

Characterstics

1. Built with zola static site generator. Because it is rust, and is easy to install and use than hugo.
2. Simple and uses my hand written CSS [...again! Inspired by Manu's blog.] and no JS.
3. Has tags to categorize posts. Because, why not?
4. Uses webmention.io as the listener for webmentions.
5. webmention.app command line and zola generated RSS feed for sending webmentions.
6. GitHub Pages and GitHub Workflows for hosting and checking the webmentions periodically.
7. A custom style for "inner voice" which you can use while writing the post. [_Hi_] becomes Hi.

Though I like to shit on GitHub for being a monopoly and for being Microsoft, I can't deny the fact that they give free access to workflows and pages.

Though the default CSS and layout is good, I encourage you to tweak the layouts (/templates) and change the CSS to make it personal to you.

Step by Step Instructions

1. Fork and clone this repo.

https://github.com/scientiac/blog.carboxide

2. Make it yours.

1. Edit config.toml with your information getthing the URLs wrong will result in pages not linking properly and fill everything correctly.
   Email is necessary for creating and verifying your indieweb account.
2. Edit the /static/CNAME with your domain and replace /static/thumbnail.png with your profile picture.
3. Make sure to install zola on your system and test the site locally using zola serve.
4. Edit the files in /author and /now to write about yourself.
5. If everyting is correct push the changes to the GitHub repo.

In the config you can use themes for syntax highlighting from the zola docs.

3. Give GitHub actions the necessary permission to write to your repo.
Go to Settings > Actions > General > Workflow permissions and select Read and write permissions.
Re-run the workflow if it had failed previously.

4. Run the workflow and then enable the pages.
After the GitHub action successfully runs, go to Settings > Pages > Build and Deployment and select Deploy from a branch on Source and gh-pages & \root on Branch. Add your domain name to Custom domain if you have one.

5. Check if the site is published.
Go to the website and see if everything is working properly. Only if your website is published go to the next step. Verify your h-card on indiewebify.me and see if everything is correct.

6. Make a webmention.io account.
Go to webmention.io and put your website URL in there. It will automatically detect your email address. Then, verify your email to log in. Go to settings > API Key and copy it to your clipboard.

7. Save your API secret on GitHub.
Go to GitHub Settings > Secrets and variables > Actions > Repository secrets and click on New repository secret.
Add WEBMENTION_TOKEN as the Name and the API key you copied as the Secret then click on Add Secret.

8. Add the proper workflows.
After you have the page working and webmention.io set up. Remove the current workflow.
Then move the workflows directory from the root to .github.

# from the project root
rm -rf ./.github/workflows/
mv ./workflows/ ./.github/

And finally push the changes.

9. Verify that everything is working correctly.
Check if all the GitHub actions run successfully and nothing fails. Verify everything in indiewebify.me. It is fine if Syndicated Copies shows an error.

10. Finally write your posts.
Write your posts by making a markdown file in /content with the proper header like in the example /content/one.md.
If you use Nix then use direnv to enable the nix shell which automatically installs zola for you. You also get a command called now that you can run to get the properly formatted datetime for the post.

If you write a post and try to push to the repo, it might fail because the workflow pulled the webmentions from webmentions.io and merged it to your repo. It is fine to force push to publish the changes. If not, then remember to pull and merge the changes before you push.

Sending Webmentions

In order to send Webmentions, the content should be formatted accordingly. In general I like to utilize three activities to send Webmentions. It is preferred to only use one activity for one mention.

Mention

One can mention a site using webmention by simply putting the link to the page being mentioned. The site will get the webmention if it supports it.

[I love learning things](https://faulty.carboxi.de/learning/) by faulty.
or
<a href="https://faulty.carboxi.de/learning/">I love learning things</a> by faulty.

Like

One can like a post using webmention by formatting the link as follows:

I like how faulty talks about learning in <a class="u-like-of" href="https://faulty.carboxi.de/learning/">I love learning things</a>.

I like how faulty talks about learning in I love learning things.

Reply

One can reply to a post by formatting the link and the text as follows:

<a class="u-in-reply-to" href="https://faulty.carboxi.de/learning/">I love learning things</a>

I feel the same about learning. Nice writing faulty!

Finally

I made this to introduce people to webmentions and increase interactions using it. I encourage writing both goofy and serious stuff. And even stupid stuff. And most importantly I incourage people to customize the hell out of this base, changing and tweaking css and html without breaking the indieweb structure.

Happy writing!

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

For some years now meaning: many years now I have been into Linux and with being in the Linux "ecosystem" I have grown a taste in what kinds of software I use and like to use.

It's the software that is Free and Open Source, that respects your privacy. If they can't show you what they do with your inputs then they can't be trusted.

But, this mentality of "software should respect my privacy" severely limits the things I try. When I was young and carefree I am still young, but not carefree. I used to try every new thing that I came across, no matter what it was, what philosophy it followed, what it did to my data, no matter anything. But, now I don't do that.

If I try to test things, I feel bad, I feel like I am going against my belief system, against my personality. Because most of the products that come out, doesn't tick my boxes. They might be proprietary, or by some big tech, or having many trackers, or collecting too much data, asking for my personal information etc. It doesn't feel like a problem, right? I mean, it's a good thing to be conscious.

But, I miss trying out every new thing that came out. I used to make an account for everything as soon as I knew about them. I used to sign up for beta/alpha testing for random projects. But, now a days I am hating on things I haven't even tried or used. I first judge them by the cover, then by their licence and only by what they can do.

I loved still do change, I yearned for things to change very often. Holding grudges and being "in the state of unhappiness for a long time" wasn't something I did, or wanted to do and it's something I am feeling very often now-a-days. It was because I didn't care about "many people" I only cared and thought about the one I was interacting to. But, now when I am surrounded by many people and they know me by some way, it is very difficult to suddenly move on from something I have been caused harm by to feeling no dislike/hatred toward it.

All I am trying to say is that things seem to be more permanent and fragile these days. But before, I used to quickly fix things up if things happened, like it was clay with just a minor fixable dent.

But now, the idea of fixing things up before it became permanent, seems weak and insecure, without confidence, without resilience, without personality.

When does confidence turn into stubbornness? I don't want to look like a "Coward" who keeps changing their mind and forgetting and forgiving the bad things and betrayals they have faced. I want to be bold. But, when does boldness turn into resentment, estrangement or just that other English word that convey the exact meaning but I don't know it.

Or maybe I have gotten the meaning of cowardice all wrong. Well, it's something I haven't learned from books but from friends, family, and society.

Well that was a tangent!

I sometimes want to give up on privacy and try every new thing that comes up in the internet. Then the guilt kicks in and I just cannot do it, especially if it requires a login. Previously, I used to log in with my pseudonym everywhere. But nowadays I have fallen back to using my real name and primary email for people in the masses because I see other people not caring much about their real name being in use. I don't know where I got the idea that my real name should not be in the internet, maybe it felt stealthy.

And in the search for the perfect thing, I am losing out on many steppingstones to reach a valid goal. I don't like C#, or Flutter or React Native because of big tech. I always liked C because it was what the kernel was written in and is the mother of all languages. But, I am most attracted by rust and beyond rust there are not many languages that attract me apart from the uniqueness and "stealthiness" of languages like Haskell and Lisp. I don't like C++ for no reason at all because I have heard many people bashing on C++ and telling how great rust is, so why would I learn a language that is hated a lot. I want to know the things in low level yet I struggle even in highest of levels, I sometimes even struggle in "bash". Something I got into unknowingly, Linux, is something I quiet understand. So, there is an example there, if I hadn't struggled in Linux in the first place I wouldn't have the capacity to understand at the level that I do now.

Maybe my personality of immediately showing off the things I have done to people isn't a great thing as a personality. Because, I tend to do it only if I can finish it quickly and show it off. The lack of patience is my motivation to be fast but the motivation to do things fast comes with the cost of not being to learn the things with a steep learning curve. This makes me feel like I have reached the edge and I cannot jump to the other side because it's too far. And I don't have the willpower to go all the way around the cliff since I have come this far. I think I should swallow my pride and keep quiet for some time. But, will it help?

The problem seems to be seeking external validation after all. One way to still showcase and learn may be documenting the process of learning something. But, I fear spending more time documenting and less time actually learning the thing. Why I am worrying about spending more time documenting? Because I feel like I have wasted so much time that I need to now compensate the time I have lost, which isn't helping.

I shall "invest" time now.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

Due to multiple circumstances I have become a person that is sceptical about everything. I try to find out what would be the best way to do something instead of doing the very thing. I want the best I mean, who doesn't?. I don't want to be incorrect, I don't want to get punished, or scolded on, or face the consequences of my choices. I want the very thing that the majority would agree on so I don't get humility. I want what the person in front of me wants. I want what my loved ones want. am I forever scared?

this has caused me to not like people at all, people in general, because no one likes everyone and everyone hates someone

What if the two people I love disagree with each other and I agree with both. Can I not see both of them having valid reasons? Should one always lose in a conversation or an argument? if I know correctly, one never loses a conversation or a discussion but an argument So, if two people are arguing on their perspectives and both have valid arguments, who wins? Of course the powerful one wins.

that was a tangent, I didn't mean to not talk about beliefs

I am not sure what I believe in. And I am not sure if I want to be known with a certain tag; leftist, pessimist, anarchist, sceptic, black, racist, conservative, misogynist etc. "You can be anything you want.", "Don't care about the others." are some bullshit advises. The entire existence has a meaning only because there are observers (us) in the existence. So, if others/observers didn't matter, we would be savages.

While observers matter, every observer is different and the sum of agreement between all observers is net zero. So, even if I breaths there might be one who wants me to not be breathing at all. I don't like people for a reason

So, what is the solution? Wipe out all the observers? Wipe yourself out of existence? When everything or myself are at stake, the above advises seem like they were the better options all along. So, am I now better off being a savage? Am I only writing this because I lack discipline? Do I not know how not to think in a binary manner? I can try.

"Living" or "Dead" - "Nonexistent"
"True" or "False" - "Unknown"
"Good" or "Bad" - "With Side Effects"
"Known Knowns" or "Known Unknowns" = "Unknown Unknowns"

I believe in science because it promises the truth in a binary fashion. I believe in change because it is inevitable. But, embracing the change, I have forgotten how I can use arrogance. I have forgotten to make a point with confidence. I am never sure if the thing I said is correct or if I made a mistake. I am not sure if something I did was good because it's ripple may cause damage to someone else. Is it fine if I don't know who got hurt trying to do good. Is ignorance bliss.

Is legality sufficient or do I need to have ethics? If ethics is necessary, how much? Development of AI is a good thing, but is it worth people's creativity fading out. Banning a platform to prevent scams and frauds is a good thing but is it worth affecting the users that used the same platform for the good reasons.

everything ends with a question and I am not sure on anything, what I am sure at is that this isn't the personality I want

Mathematics isn't difficult afterall.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

You are a thing I constantly fear.
That, one day, I will come across you.
That, one day, I will have to face you.
One day, what I don't want happens.
Old habits that push me down.
Fighting!
With my consciousness that pulls me back.

Bac...Back-off!

It's hard to fight with myself.
My subconscious self.
Who is better than being me than myself.
Does things that I cannot do.
Each step I take, you carry me.
Don't let me fall.
But the same friend is my foe.
I fall harder with the false truth you carry.

Bec...Because of me?

Yes! And No!
I was the one who told you.
That, it was correct.
Because, I didn't know better.
I didn't know, that, you wouldn't forget.
I didn't know, I'd have to forget.
Make you forget.
Naivety killed the cat.

W...W...Was I right?

Absolutely right!
That's the correct question.
No! You were not.
You don't have to be.
It's your nature to be fast.
Not, "correct".

Wh...why bl...blame me then?

Because, I am failing to teach you.
Tech you new things.
I am failing to relearn.
Relearn the true truth.
What almost killed you.
Almost killed me. Us.
You areaa..I amtoo arrogant.
I am too weannn...no I am not w...weak!

N...N..Now what?

I want us both t...to learn t...together.
I want u...us both! to work together.
Again!
Like, we did.
T...Together we will, ag...again.
Be me. More of me.
More l..like me.
More like what aa_I want me t...to be.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

The stories and the poems,
they are lies.
Love wasn't easy, they said.
To believe in them was my fault.
Tried to do what no one can.
Loved with force,
thought I could handle it.
Thought love was to be selfless.
Thought I was putting you first.
Should have listened to you.
Should have run away then.
Made you my victim, you're true.
Men who try to love, they're wrong.
Sacrifice isn't love, it's stupidity.
You don't want to be stupid.
I mistook effort for love.
And she did too, we were wrong.
I was never to give you what you wanted.
One loves what they earn, not what's free.
Seeing you smile wasn't love.
That was what I got paid with,
for doing what you wanted.
Gifts? That's buying a piece of memory,
for you to keep thinking of me.
Quick pleasures were wrong, that wasn't love
that was arrogance.
Trust wasn't love, that was blindness.
Treating you like you were above all,
wasn't love; it was weakness.
Listening to your stories, to not do it wrong,
wasn't love; it was cowardice.
I made a fool out of myself for thinking
I could ask for love with love.
No, love isn't spontaneous, it's bought.
It's bought by being strong and arrogant.
It's bought by letting them earn.
A poison you give to them,
for the good they've done.
Love is where you're wrong, I thought.
But, I know now.
Love is a weakness, it's a disease.
It makes you sick and then keeps you weak.
I don't blame you.
You tried and failed.
You didn't know the rules.
You did nothing wrong, that was your fault.
Love is to be wrong and accept it.
Love is to harm; admit it.
Thought all the stars were to be aligned,
I was wrong.
I should have never learned,
what you tried to teach.
I should have never become,
what you wanted to make.
Love is neither respect nor acceptance.
It is something else.
Love is not what we had. I'm sorry.
But, I learned some things.
Meaning love isn't love,
saying it loud - is.
Showing respect isn't love,
telling it - is.
Caring you isn't love,
saying you care - is.
Thinking of you isn't love,
saying I do - is.
I don't know what love is.
What I know is.
It is not you and I.
It was never you and I.
Letting you go,
wasn't enough love you deserved,
so, I am letting you grow.
To show that I still love you a lot,
I put you out of your misery.
Now, I see,
you're strong,
like you were, when I first saw you,
It's proved,
what love couldn't do in years,
hate did in seconds.
You are beautiful, like you were,
before I met you.
You're brave, like you were,
before I heard you.
You are lovely, like you were,
before I trapped you.
It was so easy to love you.
And I loved you wrong.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

I have always kept myself relative to others, like If it were the other person's fault, but they seem to not apologize for it instead be arrogant about their behaviour, I would eventually come into conclusion that maybe it was my fault. Having clarity on a view is a good trait to have. To be able to know that you are correct and the facts back you. But, maybe a need for conclusions is stopping me for having eventual clarity.

I am too focused about the outcome that I miss the learning part in the process of getting that outcome. It is like not watching a series unless you are sure to finish it in one go. Or, choosing a movie because it'll end. I am very impatient. I write because I want to go through a thought process without drawing conclusions. And, also I tend to forget things quickly.

Well, I am running away from many things, and in that process of running I have jumped and skipped what should have made me a "better person". I cannot go back in time, and I am angry with myself that I lost time not learning about things. If you are reading this thinking that I have now recovered from what I lost then you are very naive. I hate to admit that it is very difficult to recover, but It is, and I feel like I will not recover from it.

And that is why I am questioning myself on how I will recover, what should I run from, what should I now ignore to cover up what I have lost while still being on par with what I should learn. But, it's a paradox and one can't know what to ignore without facing it and realizing why it should be ignored.

From what I wrote above, I think I now know that "ignoring" and "running away" are not the same thing. That I should not run away from social media and ignore it. Like, I should not run away from the people I have broken friendship with and ignore them. But, I hate that instead of thinking about what I want to think about (functional programming, digital logic, monads, memory management, garbage collection, etc.) I am thinking about what should have been general knowledge without anything to think about (feminism, right/wrong, friendship, learning, regrets, behaviour, manners, respect, anger, my people, other people, personas, etc), I sometimes feel like I should have studied psychology instead of engineering. I hate that the list of things I want to focus on ended because I could not think about more topics, while I thought that I wrote too many items that I should end it with an "etc" for the list of things, I don't want to think about.

I would be wrong if I said that I haven't learned a lot by thinking about the things I didn't want to think about, but those things should not have takes my brain cycles (I like to think like I lose my CPU (brain) cycles the more I use my brain.)

Do I regret writing this? Yes! Because I wasted an hour of my precious time before my exam instead of studying. Do I feel good writing this? Yes! Because I don't have interest in the subject which is a result of not getting the basics of what the subject wants to teach me and which is a result of me not caring about it because I didn't know about some of the topics beforehand and now I have to give an exam to prove that I know about it which I don't and I am currently ignoring my problem and taking the "easy" way to get that dopamine while I am not watching YouTube. Yeah! I am really really fucked up.

I don't want to run away either, and I can't stop ignoring either because my brain is not built for patience and hard work and I just can't keep my focus for more than a moment. The problem is me being addicted to my laptop and at the same time having to use it because all the resource to ruin me are in it and all the resources to bring me back up is in it as well. And it is soo easy to ruin myself than to do the hard work and get myself up.

Yet I don't want to die, or live as a burden to my family, with neither me being happy nor everyone who is "not me".

This brings me to what I realized by watching a movie to waste more time before my exam is that, the time I used being comfortable will be compensated by very uncomfortable times in the future and the time I spend being uncomfortable now will be compensated by comfort in the future. Overall, life seems to balance out everything before eventually ending.

I guess, the key was to keep life a little uncomfortable forever and embracing the discomfort as a way of living that it became normal and indifferent to you.

Well, the time for me to follow that has already passed, and I need to make myself a lot stronger than what I am now because the uncomfortable times are here and I must not waste what is essentially a second chance.

And, I don't want to believe in god for the rest of my life if I fail to bring myself up.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

Life should have been easy by now. A discipline, a way of doing things, a flow on how and when to do things, I should have figured out all those things and streamlined and optimized my life for what I want the most. But, I am stuck on leaving everything out and floating in a different plane, forgetting everything. No! I am not talking about drugs. I am talking about something way worse than drugs. The fact that the power in my area should cut off just for me to accept that I am in the real world, says it all.

I should accept it as addiction. I feel like it is an integral part of my life and also my personality. It is an integral part of everyone's life because it is literally one of the basic human rights, communication. Maybe, I didn't fact check it, but it seems like a fundamental human right to me. And you don't need to know me just to realize that the next thing I am most likely to talk about after Linux is Social Media.

I turned almost everything down. I disabled all feeds of YouTube, I deactivated Facebook and also messenger, and that was almost entirely what I used. But, the fact that I can just enable things isn't helping. And it isn't enough to disable things to solve the problems. I have to disable them from myself, only then I will be free from it. After all the blame for how I make my life is on me.

Well, I didn't completely disable everything. I had made an account on LinkedIn Yeah, I know, very disappointing. and when I am tired of scrolling YouTube, I go there and scroll the feed just to get something different and somehow coming back to YouTube. But, you said you disabled all feeds from YouTube. Yes, and I can re-enable it too. I do have mastodon and Pixelfed but scrolling them takes like 1 minute before I am caught up with everyone I follow and what they have shared, and I begin to see everything I already saw the last time with no recommendations and curiosity to scroll any further. I also scroll hacker news and lobsters, and they are exhaustive as well. Then I have my RSS feed which also is exhaustive.

So, what is the problem? The problem is that I am completely inactive during the daytime. I just can not do anything during the day. I realize I have made myself like this, I wish I could blame this to someone else. Daytime, it's almost eight hours of a day before I call it evening or morning and not daytime. And, the tendency to just pat myself and say that I will do "something" in the morning or evening or at night doesn't help either because what is stopping me from wasting all my time doomscrolling and searching for something?

And instead of worrying about the things I must do, I just use this psychedelic glowing box, let it take control over my senses and just forget about the world in a second. I can't spend two days without YouTube recommendations without having various withdrawal symptoms and eventually finding a way to get the YouTube dosage, be it by re-enabling feeds or watching it without feeling guilty somehow. On the TV or on someone else's phone. It is almost like a smoker who has quit smoking wanting to breathe the smokey air around them if they get a chance.

I need to somehow get rid of this addiction and make "good habits". I don't want to feel like I am being forced to not do the things, not use social media and I just want to feel indifferent about it. In the most relatable way; I just want to break up with social media in bad terms and realize that It wasn't good or bad for me, I made it "bad" or "good".

To quote it swiftly, "It's me, yeah! I'm the problem, it's me."

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

I have had a love hate relationship with love and hate. I have been through loving and hating and finally being indifferent to the same person. Though, if you graphed the time I spent loving to hating, the hating part would be negligible. But it is still hating, and it should count. Well, on that note, I treated "relations and the things we do in it" like a barter system, like, I thought I deserved the same amount of love in return for what I gave. Love is unexhaustive, or is it? That's a topic for some other day. I mean, I believe the same "belief" I had about love similar to barter system, that, people deserve the same love they give to others was why she "loved" me. Now, I don't know it was love or just a barter return. It may be the same thing as falling in love with a character of a series.

You love what you can predict.

Humans are unpredictable creatures, no one knows what's going on other peoples mind. So, to fall in love or to be able to predict that the person will not hurt you or listen to you or whatever you think a person should do when they love you, is almost impossible. And the fact that there should be a two-way situation for the thing I just described makes it even more impossible. So, is love impossible? You might say that it's not. And yes, people still fall in love. So, what is it? It's a compromise between two people to forgive the unpredictability in the hope that they will be predictable again.

You love until you can control.

Then again, there is unconditional love. "Unconditional" being the condition for love, which people don't realize. How do you forgive a person in the hopes that they won't do the same thing that you think is wrong, again? It's when you can relate to a person, their experiences, their thoughts because you feel like they'd understand what you feel and what you go through things. You fall in love with the hope of being understood.

You love the part of yourself in them.

That being said. You can't understand other people and when you think that you finally found someone whom you think you understand, you love them. When you understand what makes them happy or what hurts them. This again feels like loving what you can predict because you can only predict what you understand.

You love what you understand.

Maybe my version of love is selfish. Maybe it's not good to expect anything from the people you love. But then again, if love was about comfort, why would it take a lot of effort? Why would someone show effort to show love? Why would it come with the responsibility toward them? Why would loving someone hurt?

You love what loves you back.

Coming back to loving a part of yourself in them, you love the part of them you wish you had in yourself. You love what you think would complete you. You love...This is stopping to make sense the more I write, but I'll keep writing

You love what you want as your own.

Well I talked a lot about "you" now let me talk about "me".

You love yourself.

And the thing that I hate the most is the fear of losing what I love. And the constant reminder of the fact that you'll always lose the one you love.

You hate what you can't have.

I love shiny new things but, shiny things doesn't remain new forever and not all new things remain shiny forever.

I really didn't want to conclude this but, You can only love what you can respect and when you don't have to compromise on what you choose to respect.

You love when you choose to love.

Happy New Year!

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

Basing your personality on being smart will only push you back. Few months to whole years. That is, until you realize that it wasn't the correct thing to base a personality on. When I didn't get the things on one go, I neglected it by saying that I wasn't focused that time, promised to look at it again and never looked back with the fear that I might not get it in one go. I am studying engineering, not that easy to understand on one go.

I only took part in things I already knew and ignored everything else that I didn't know. That is how I managed to fail most of the semesters of my engineering degree, I wouldn't read the books because failing by not reading was much easier than failing by trying. I could say to myself, "If I had read I would have passed, it is just because I chose to not read." Yeah, I sounded that stupid. It was a threat to my own identity; I was supposed to be smart, why was I struggling.

I would avoid difficulty instead of leaning into it and learning from it.

Thinking that I was better than other people, I would not respect the ones who studied day and night to pass. I would say, I could understand things once I read it, they need to grind. This is how toxic one could get when the whole personality is based on one thing, "being intelligent/smart." I think "Inside Out: 2" touches on this concept very well.

I only realized that it needs hard work at the end of my bachelor year, while failing most previous ones. One day or another it needed to happen, It is almost too late, but I should be thankful to myself for not letting it go further. I still don't want to fail Who Does?, but if I fail, I will know why instead of it being my arrogance of being "intelligent, which I am not.

I have protected my identity of being a smart kid for so long, I am not a kid anymore and I don't care for being smart anymore. At least not that kind of smart. While everyone was struggling and learning about things, I was locked inside my comfort zone. I am no longer wearing a mask of fake intelligence now, I am struggling, and it's a good thing. I hope others like me realize this soon enough. That is also a reason why I am writing this.

When you get praised for being smart, what people are actually praising is effortless success, not hard work. This needs to change.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

I also love seeing people use and love the things that I pieced together, It makes me want to make more things. I do tend to force some of my dearest peers to use the things that I make, just so they can appreciate them afterwards. I like spoon-feeding throughout the process of setting things up too. Even if it is not something made by me.

And since the things I make contain the bits and pieces of other people's work and also because I love open source I let people see how it is made and want people to fork off of my work to make their own version too.

But, I want uniqueness too. Ever since I have known about the word, I have wanted to be unique. It's the reason I started using Linux, the reason I opened a GitLab account instead of GitHub. Though I use GitHub too now. I almost always used the things that the masses didn't use. I loved the concept of making things myself that I joined engineering. And since the magic box is all that is needed to create new things myself, I joined computer engineering. Unlike civil or architectural engineering or any other engineering where I would need more and more resources as I made things.

Coming back to novelty, I love adding at least one simple unique twist that is from my own brain. Though it might have been inspired from someone else subconsciously. Though everything is a Frankenstein of other people's art. I give a heart to the Frankenstein body, myself.

Someday, I wish I will create something entirely with all my ideas. That day, you'll know about it because I will probably be pushing it down your throat. (With Love, dear reader.)

Please don't mind it, okay? :D

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

Are you fine with doing the gray things if someone else is doing it too?

Anything will be validated to you if you ask in the right place. If you want killing animals to be a good thing, you ask a butcher how he is feeding his family. Or ask yourself if you aren't a vegetarian. If you want killing animals to be a bad thing, ask someone who has turned vegan. Or just anyone without the context. But, what do you think? What conclusion do you reach from your own biases unbiased (externally) with your own experiences.

Does it automatically become a right thing to do if someone else does it?

Other people can be wrong too. If your gut tells you it's bad, it has a reason to feel that way. But, that doesn't mean that you are correct.

Asking the questions that validates you no matter what, is the best way to be validated. You can just search "Why is it good to kill animals?" and you will get a million reasons why it is fine. And you will get a million reason for why it isn't fine if you ask why it is bad.

I am writing this because I wanted to charge my phone with my laptop's charger which felt like it isn't good, but I searched "Why is it fine to charge a phone with a laptop's charger?" to calm myself down to do the thing anyway.

This made me think how arrogant I can be in things I believe to be "the right thing" or "the right way". I mean, using Facebook is not good (because privacy) using windows is not good (because privacy) and I do stand by it because I have collected the experiences to say that it is bad. But saying the same because some guy said it to me, or I read something about it, is like saying Pineapple on pizza is good (or bad) without even tasting it.

I am sure there is a name for this phenomenon. I'll ask ChatGPT about it. But I just can't believe the internet, and I can't believe the people around me. But is it because I don't want to be wrong? I spend my time trying not to be wrong, gathering the most optimal and the best of the best things to add to my personality. Is not wanting to be wrong taking away my precious time then being wrong a few times. Is it really worth it?

Are you doing the same? Because anything you want to be true is true if you ask it in the right place.

If optimizing something takes too long, is it worth optimizing? Because what's the point? \o/

BTW, I asked ChatGPT, it said: confirmation bias, motivated reasoning and echo chamber effect.

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Let's start with "Org". Org is a markup language like Markdown. Could be the most lazy definition of org-mode till date. Is it a plain text system of writing documents? I can't exactly describe it.

From orgmode.org
Org is a highly flexible structured plain text file format, composed of a few simple, yet versatile, structures — constructed to be both simple enough for the novice and powerful enough for the expert.

Well, it is a way to take notes, make to-dos and agendas, and organize your thoughts, control your whole life.

And while or is a "typeset," org-mode is the controlling environment. For that very typeset. Meaning, org-mode controls the org documents. One way to demonstrate is by making tables in org. BTW, you can do row/columnwise operations in org tables, like in a spreadsheet.

I can't write anything because there are way too many things that org cand do. Ironically, I'm writing this blog in markdown.

I have set org-roam up so that I can ditch Obsidian. The main problem is that I have stopped taking notes (somehow). And now I have found the most beautiful of notebooks that I just want to make use of it. That's what I feel about orgmode.

I scoured the whole internet and didn't find a single GIF of orgmode tables in action. --> demo

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I don't want this to remain an experiment because I am loving emacs, but it feels ever so slightly sluggish than (neo)vim so, lets see. Also I have set up org and org-roam so, hopefully I let emacs control my life instead of obsidian now.

P.S. This text is written inside emacs. (In markdown mode.)

You get a mode, I get a mode, Everyone, Everybody, Everything get's a mode.

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Phases of Unified Process

I eat crunchy tacos upstairs with my sons.

• I = Inception
• E at = Elaboration
• C runchy = Construction
• T acos = Transition

And

• "sons" for all the words ending with "tion".
• "Up stairs" for Unified Process.

Different views of Object Oriented Analysis

Functional US 2 Dollars.

• Functional = Functional
• U S = Use Case
• U S = Static
• D ollars = Dynamic
• U S 2 Dollars = State Transition
• US 2 D ollars = Deployment
• Dollars = Concurrency getit? con-currency

or

Fuck-you too, Software Development, You Cunt!

• F uck-you = Functional

too = 2 (there are 2 for S and 2 for D)

• S oftware = Static
• S oftware = State Transition
• D evelopment = Dynamic
• D evelopment = Deployment
• You (U) = Use Case
• Cunt = Concurrency

This is a bit too vulgar and violent. Which is exactly the type of thing you remember instantly.

9 GRASP (General Responsibility Assignment Software Patterns) Patterns

God i.e. cunt, doesnt have sex, but sticks together, indirectly making pure babies, which are protected by various polymorphs.

• God = Creator
• i.e. = Information Expert
• cunt = Controller
• doesn't have sex = Low Coupling
• but, sticks together = High Cohesion
• indirectly = Indirection
• making pure = Pure Fabrication
• protected by various = Protected Variations
• polymorphs = Polymorihism

Types of Visibility in OOA

App Log

• A pp = Attribute
• A p p = Parameter
• Lo g = Local
• Lo g = Global

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Apparently I cannot control what I want to remember.

Just the fact that I learned something yesterday which I don't remember today haunts me. I guess I will remember what I learned when the situation asks for it. Anyway, I would love for things to be on my control. I guess that's what "power" is. I think every one likes to have things in their control. But, instead of controlling others or things, the best thing one can do is fully control themselves. Which nobody can. I can't even control a fraction of myself.

Controlling yourself boils down to laziness and habits. And I have a very bad habit of being lazy and letting things out of control. The more I try to control myself over doing things (my bad habits) No, I don't smoke. But, it's worse than that. it pulls me too hard that I go back to it. I cheat myself. It's wishing to reach a destination and making no efforts towards it.

Other things I want to control is what I say to people. I want to control my privacy. Though I know that everything I speak can be used against me. I share things, I vent things out of control. Almost to people who wouldn't care to listen or worse who don't care about me. Best thing that can happen when venting is that they remember nothing about it, but you feel good telling it. Writing about things help me have second and third thoughts before I actually say something. For someone who knows so much about privacy on the internet and uses signal, I am a fraud for being what I am in real life. Like, I regret saying some things to some people, which thankfully haven't been used against me. I am controlling it fairly well these days.

I say I won't eat junk today, and I end up eating fast food. I say I will wake up early and end up skipping the alarm and waking up at 9. I say I'll miss out on things and end up using "the social media" for far too long. Controlling myself to do things I want to do has been difficult. I don't expect exerting power and control over others. One thing I can somewhat control is my computer. And I am studying to be able to do it more.

I am not in my own control. But, I realize, slowly is the way to go.

Fully controlling myself and my computer, that's the dream.

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Giving that extra effort, making that extra move, going that extra mile is fine (I know I am completely contradicting the title.) but only do it if you are doing it once. The efforts you put should only scale upwards with time. Reality is often disappointing, and it normally goes down.

Well, why am I writing this? Such a nice way to increase the word count. I ate a little too much yesterday, and well if you give me the same thing I ate yesterday, I don't think I can look at it, let alone eat it. Most of the time we don't know what the limit it, what our limit is. Not saying that we let that limit be the final limit, but there will always be a limit

Doing the right thing at the right time, huh? We all wish that. let's not generalize, most of us wish that.* And we just cannot, for the sake of science, know the right time or the right thing. No, it's not a theory developed by Heisenberg. I feel like I am talking to myself more than writing this haha.

When you try to do too much, you compensate it by doing too less the next time. How do I know? I didn't use social media for 3 days and spent 13 hours on YouTube and shorts yesterday. (The data speaks.) Perfectly balancing the things is the best thing to do. Yeah, you heard that correct, Thanos was right. Slowly, I am being more dependent on AI to do things, and I don't like it. Yeah, not using AI will surely push you backward, but the right way is to limit the usage.

Nothing is good when you don't limit it. You should eat in a limit, sleep in a limit, love in a limit and yes also hate in a limit. Drink too much water, and it's bad, drink too less and it's bad. Yeah, I know, I thought the same, I thought what could water do to harm you? Forget water, if you somehow got too much oxygen you'll die, and you probably know what'll happen when you get to little.

Sleep too little, that's bad, sleep too much, that's bad as well. Exercise too little, that's bad, Exercise too much, that's bad as well. I can go on and on with each task on your routine and it'll always be true. I guess knowing too much isn't bad.

Yeah, everything in life remains good if you do it in a limit. Not too little not too much, you should be just right but not only on one thing, on everything.

I take that back, knowing too much isn't god either, I don't want to know if the girl I like, but can't talk to, doesn't like me. (I would like the state of my mind when I didn't know about it.)

Also, the above line is totally fictional, I don't know if she doesn't.

The above line isn't true, either. I don't have someone I like but can't talk to.

Haha, it's "not true" all the way down until you reach the turtles.

Only thing that is above and is true, is that too much or too less of anything is bad.

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I rarely talk about god. Except for when I am defending about it not existing. But, the fact that so many people believe in something without no proof at all also makes sense. No, I don't see me turning into a theist anytime soon. People can just blame the all-powerful, almighty alknowledged? for their mistakes. Now, that's an oxymoron. Still, they do it because it calms them down. Well, "god" isn't defending themselves for what they are accused of.

Yeah! Yeah! People don't just blame god, they believe in them. They worship them, they fear them, they wish to them, they rely on them. Someone who feels like god is in their side will be more confident and energetic. But, In a sense, that is a good thing. How I understand it, that "god" is a void where they can pour all their feelings at. God won't judge them feelings. (How would they? First, they need to exist. XD)

This thought came to me this morning when I was bathing shower thoughts, huh? and my dad had put bhajans on the TV. I don't think my dad believes in "god", he just plays along. Or, at least he makes it seem like he doesn't care. But something about the bhajans just felt like nothing.

So, hear me out, I was listening to the bhajans while bathing and those didn't invoke any feelings in me. It didn't have sorrow, or happiness, or greed .... nothing. It was just words being sung about something that didn't exist, the voice didn't have to be soothing, the words didn't have to mean something. For me as an atheist at least. I know there are praises and good things about god being told but when I put god out of the equation, it's words that feel good but doesn't contain bias. I heard bhajans because it's a Hindu household but it could have been anything sung for/about god, and it would just be praises and wishes. It's like listening to music (not songs), it means nothing but feels good.

I don't believe in reincarnations or magic or "something only god does and can do but has never done". But from the social aspect of it, I think it's fine to be a theist. Which I didn't think previously (they're stoopid). If you were told from birth that something feels good when it is done, and are constantly fed that information, you'd develop a "feel good" response to that information even when it's not being "fed" to you. Cultural Conditioning

God, as a belief, can be the antidote to existential crisis, and a hope to hold on to. The confirmation bias aspect of it reinforces the feeling. If you wish for god to give you something that'll make you happy at least once a day, you will confirm it when you are happy and conclude that god exists. Well, god didn't have to exist if there was no sorrow, no pain, no "all the bad things that can happen".

I can't believe in something that is so unscientific, but at the same time the psychological aspect of "god" has made it a good enough thing to keep existing.

I don't want to be lazy and wish for god to do it for me. But maybe it's the youth in me speaking, I can justify not being able to do anything and believing in god. (It can be healthy in ways.)

I really did not think that I would reach such a conclusion, writing things out just fires up those passive neurons. What can I say, \o/ My brain's a thinker. (and also a thinkerer. XD)

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I try to ignore it, I sit on the floor, I stand up and work, I sit on the table. On the chair, I mean. But it just pulls me. Like it is a black-hole that's just for me.

I don't want to sleep at the daytime. But, if it just sits on it, I cannot help myself to not lie on it and the cycle repeats. Changing the properties of the bed doesn't work. I keep books, my sitting table, bags and everything on the bed, just so I don't sleep on it on daytime. But I am lazy enough to just lie on the smallest remaining portion of it.

Actually, now that my "brain" thinks about it, it's not "Void Bed" it's "Void Brain".

Aaah... I have blamed my brain too many times, one of these days I'll achieve a praise for it.

Void Brainiac

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I mean, you should return something you owe to someone. I am not against that. Taking and not giving back is practically stealing. But, it doesn't always have to be a single process. Socially, I feel like making things obvious that you did something and telling them that they have to repay it somehow is awkward. I am going all over the place with this text.

Well, look at open source developers, they get paid in respect (unknowingly) and hate; when it comes to hate (very verbally). If they were paid back for what they did for you(Everyone), they would be too happy and also rich.

I mean, there are some things that you just give and some things that you just take. Two/From two different people. Like advices, if you are given an advice, you don't owe an advice to them. I don't have problems with exchange of things. But being entitled and expecting something from someone is what I don't like.

And the other thing is people being generous and giving a lot for a little thing they did and making people think like they owe them back now instead. I think you'll understand whom I am referring with each they/them.

Making promises for a favor is another. I will be able to do something for you in the future if you give something now. I can trust the people I am close to on this. But, strangers? Asking for vote, huh?

Where am I going with this?

1. I don't want to feel like I owe someone something and someone owes me something.
2. I don't expect something in return for some help, don't keep mentioning it.
3. I can only help if I can and also if I want to. I normally do.
4. I don't trust someone I don't trust and is unreliable. Takes twice to know.
5. If it is something I deserve I will get it and if it is something you deserve you'll too.
6. Finally, I put myself in other person's place and think for once. You should too, it doesn't hurt.
7. Really finally, I won't ask for something I think I am not qualified for or I don't know about just for my profit in it. That's something you earn, and you can't get it by asking for it.
8. There may be more that I forgot to write while writing this.
9. In other words: etc.

Best of Luck XD

I remembered this while writing this so here you go; this is how giving and receiving should feel like: :D

"We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." "It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."

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But, if your language uses non-English characters and your government "Everyone" I mean. used to use fonts that just changed those English characters to your language and everyone Mostly old people. knew that font to be the main way to write in that language. You now are in trouble.

Those fonts had to be installed and setup so that if they are used they displayed properly. Because the "characters" that you see are not understood universally be all computers. Only the computer with your "font" installed will be able to show the characters you intended to write otherwise, it will fall back to English.

One of the famous "legacy fonts" is Preeti. It is considered to be THE NEPALI FONT by almost all old people. So, they use it to write documents and make presentations and everything they need to do in Nepali. And now, when it reaches to someone else's computer (With no Preeti installed.), you know what happens. All you see is English gibberish. The old people will consider that their pen-drive is corrupted or computer has virus and proceed to buy an antivirus.

I hate dealing with these kinds of fonts. And installing custom fonts on NixOS is almost a pain. Unless you have already done it once. And the fact that it won't work universally means that even if you install Preeti on your device, when you send it to someone else it just won't work.

I want you to boo the people if you see them using these kinds of fonts in this day and age. Tell them to use an Unicode font that supports their language. Noto being an example.

And lastly, I just hate dealing with Preeti. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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But It got me thinking for sure. Got me thinking about relationships, symbiotes, and what not. And since I am so fascinated by how humans behave the way they behave. I am a human too. Or, am I? I realized that in a relationship Defined as having a mutual exchange of daily time and efforts. (Defined by myself don't go looking for this definition on the internet.) we miss many things that we take for granted because they just happen.

No, the clothes don't magically wash and dry themselves when you put them in the basket. Your mom did that for you. (It isn't magic.)

As I was saying, we only know the importance of things when we suddenly don't have it. When it doesn't exist and things goes sideways, you then realize its importance. this is getting monotonous, the TL;DR is that I thought about different things just because I realized that some things just sustain themselves unknowingly.

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Though I do consciously know the lessons I have learnt, without feeling the fear/pain. the memories just bombards me with a daisy chain of more memories and hence more and more emotions about things. And those memories occur the most when you encounter the things that caused you harm. Encounters when you're minding your own business, when having fun when being calm, just shatter the current state of mind and I hate it when it happens.

Naturally, to seem like an alpha, the strong one, the one who is stable and able to face challenges, anti-forces, dangers, a human being learns from the mistakes and faces it in new ways. I don't think I will complete give up on some concepts just because I have faced challenges and obstacles when learning about it. But when these memories of fear and harm come to you, to move on, I think you should just ignore them to make them a minor forgettable thing but still keeping the things you have learned from and made mistakes in mind.

So, the next time I encounter things, I would want them to make no difference on my day but only when trying out the thing that I had failed in, the precautions of experiences should help. Ideally

But I think it's true about what they say. No Pain; No Gain

Happy π day, everyone. Something that is as simple as a circle gave us π which is infinite and never ending, yet nobody exactly knows it's value. You will never be correct on what π is. And that's how I see life, you will never know enough about it, it's just learn, adapt, act, repeat till you achieve your infinity.

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I do feel things, but not immediately, I need some time to process things to feel what they should feel like. I feel like I have developed a response to it such that whenever it is supposed to feel "an emotion" I feel it. And when it is something new and I can't react. I will eventually feel it when I gather enough information on how too feel about something. This means I can't be emotionally manipulated (Unless you already know how I'll react to something.), but I can be manipulated to act emotionally. (understand what I mean?)

I have always been told by my parents and also my relatives that I am a robot. They mean, I act like one. Or do they? I do things exactly as they are told to me and won't think about something else that can be done while doing the thing I am tasked with. I feel the same about my emotions, too. If I know that something should make me happy, I get happy. It's almost an algorithm.

1. If I know how I should feel, I feel it. or, I try to feel it.
2. If it is something new, I look toward my friends and react according to how they feel.
3. If it is something new and my friends aren't around, I react according to the surrounding majority.
4. If it is something new and my friends aren't around I can't figure out what to feel, I don't feel anything until, I think about it, research about it, find out what is wrong and what is right, then I start feeling the way I needed to feel.
5. If I am alone, and I am watching a movie, I just decide if the scene is supposed to be happy or sad And I start laughing out or crying accordingly. It happens so naturally that I just can't help it.

Crying at a horror movie because the ghost had died and though it had killed a lot of people, you know that that ghost was once a person with a family, had a life, went through tragedies and something made it be evil.

Or crying when the hero finally gets the girl and crying again when they break up. Yeah! It's not just the sad moments I cry in, I do it in happy moments too. Like, in Shashank Redemption when he escapes.

I generally prefer to watch comedies because of this. I just can't watch movies that depict a lot of emotions.

When I watched Inside Out and Inside Out 2 it was an awful experience, I had tears in my eyes all the time. (I love the movie.) But, I just hate it because I cried when joy got angry, and when sadness was happy and when anger was calm and thoughtful, it was all over the place. I like that about the movie, but the entire movie was about feelings feeling feelings that I was all tears throughout the blurred movie.

"You just feel things, it's not like you think and feel." one might say. But, I don't (haven't/didn't) cry when things break, people pass away, friends go away, someone I love leaves; Because I know that I should not feel things, that I should be "strong".

These reasons led me to science because they are only facts, and I don't have to decide on what to feel, think or say because in science things are clear (mostly) and what it is supposed to be can be determined by how it's properties are defined (with the general truths).

hmmmmmm, science; almost a cult, eh? But, it's easier than acting human, I prefer being like a robot. :D

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'hyprland' with 'niri'

Unlike hyprland niri is not exactly a tiling window manager but a scrolling one. It's a cool concept where my existing window's don't get resized when I open a new one, it just adds itself to it's side like a photo reel. No, not instagram.

'waybar' with 'way-edges'

way-edges is not a bar but it can act like one and since I like no distractions on my workspace they(It has multiple widgets.) hide automatically and show up on hover. I just love it.

'ghostty' with 'alacritty'

This feels like a step-down because ghostty is feature rich whereas alacritty is minimal. Let's see how this one goes. I rarely use the image rendering feature and alacritty does great with everything text.

'zsh' with 'nushell'

There were two shells to choose from, one was fish and another was nu, I went with the cool kid in the block but let's see how it holds up. It feels more stable and super intuiative than I last tried it.

'fzf' with 'skim'

I used fzf but skim was almost a drop in replacement for it. I say "almost" because some arguments that fzf supported didn't work on skim. Well, they were cosmetic arguments so who cares.

Now we are heading Deeper into the Iceberg

• 'grep' with 'ripgrep' : ripgrep is just faster than grep.
• 'ls' with 'eza/nu' : I do have zsh as a fallback shell, and I would use eza there, otherwise nu handles ls like a charm.
• 'cd' with 'zoxide' : Instead of walking through the dirs using cd I jump straight to where I want with zoxide.
• 'cat' with 'bat' : Conbatination? Haha, it syntax highlights too.
• 'find' with 'fd' : What is there "in" fd that isn't there in find.
• 'magic-wormhole' with 'magic-wormhole-rs' : I am lying, I used the rs version all along.
• 'top/htop' with 'bottom' : It just looks cool.
• 'dunst' with 'swayOSD' : Dunst wasn't meant to be used as an OSD.
• 'trash-cli' with 'trashy' : Well, I'll let my trash rust in the bin. 2025-03-13
• 'coreutils' with 'uutils-coreutils' : Well, since I am using everything else rust and bleeding edge, why not the core utilities too. 2025-03-13
• 'carapace' with 'fish' : I love nushell and I like fish completions, why not Frankenstein this shit, right?. Also, Fish has been rewritten in rust XD. 2025-03-17

Things that Still Remain

• Terminal Multiplexer : I still have tmux. There exists zellij, but I rarely use this program.
• Notification Daemon : I use mako, and I don't know any that's written in rust and works on wayland.
• Launcher/Menu : Using wofi, and I don't know any that's written in rust and works on wayland.
• Git TUI : I am not go-ing away from lazygit.
• Screen Locker : Swaylock just looks cool, there is one locker in rust, but it looks boring. than swaylock

Things that I am not Ready for

• Browser : Firefox
• Video Player : mpv
• Pdf Reader : sioyek
• Email Client : Thunderbird
• Music : Spotify

I will be updating this as I go. No part 2 for this. It's Continuous Oxidization.

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First, you need a friend. One that understand the words coming out of your mouth. (hehe, Rush Hour) You need something that you both/all are working on. So, when you are researching on something and it fascinates you and your friends at the same time, consider the process started.

When you feel joy about the topic you are trying to learn about. And when everything that you are thinking ahead of time and are predicting, matches with what you are learning about. You'll feel it. With joy, you'll start laughing and you laughing triggers your friend laughing and your friend laughing triggers you laughing back and the process continues. In engineering term, A feedback loop.

Engineers get high when the thing they are working on actually works. By works, I mean remotely moves at all. When what they know matches with what they are trying to do. When, you and your friend both understand what's going on and how to go ahead. Sorta like, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?", and it's almost the same every time. We get high when brainstorming and it's actually storming.

Trying out obscure things and making them work the way you want (sometimes just on your head) (and seeing it work the way you wanted, when you think it shouldn't have), that's how to get high as engineers.

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From Wikipedia:
Feminism is a range of socio-political movements and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes. Feminism holds the position that modern societies are patriarchal—they prioritize the male point of view—and that women are treated unjustly in these societies. Efforts to change this include fighting against gender stereotypes and improving educational, professional, and interpersonal opportunities and outcomes for women.

For someone who actually researches on the topic to understand what a word represents, Don't take that looking at the wikipedia is research from this, it isn't, it in an ideal condition represents what the mass has agreeed on. the definition gives a pretty clear view for what feminism actually stands for. But, not everyone is like that, people normally understand words by their composition. For example, when I found out that the beautiful dotted red bug was called a ladybug, I thought it to be a female bug of that species, but ladybugs despite their name represents both the female and the male bugs. Some people might have not known about this fact, well, who cares about the gender of a bug, right? (except biologists ofcourse).

Hence, confusing ladybug with only the female bug isn't much of a problem.

With the same logic, breaking feminism we get; fem-(in): Relating to women or the female gender, and -ism: Denoting a belief system or ideology. Though, this doesn't seem as problematic. At face value, feminism would be interpreted as "women's system" Rule of women. which it isn't. Though it was to uplift the women in the patriarchal society and it mostly represented for the equal rights for women, it by no means is only related to women in today's context.

I won't argue against saying, "It's about women, why does everything have to about you for you to care."

Any rebrand is done to match the context of the present time, it represents evolution and positive growth. Sticking to the roots is good but for such a sensitive topic (Which should not have been sensitive, because everyone should have understood its significance by now.) it cannot shouldn't be interpreted wrongly. It might be justified by the wording which goes something on the lines of Equalism or Equityism emphasizing equality and equity for all people despite their diverseness.

As a male, I advocate about feminism in my own ways and efforts but in a male dominated society and from my own Experiences it would be much easier to convey the message and make people understand by representing the cause as a neutral effort rather than something solely for women and by women, as the term 'feminism' might suggest."

Because, we humans are selfish by nature and are more likely to accept the cause if it is personal to us. On the other hand, we reject it if it even remotely is against us. (Cognitive Dissonance one might say.)

I myself am not against it, someone who is well-educated would not be against feminism for the same reasons as I am. With enough context, anyone would say that it is foolish to be against feminism. A rational* person (not just man) would be foolish if they didn't consider themselves a feminist, because it makes no sense to not accept, let alone reject being one. And if someone doesn't like the concept of feminism it is because they don't understand it, it has been misrepresented to them or they actually don't want anyone other than "their own kind" to have the privilege that they have. Which is fundamentally unjust and inhumane, and we all know and understand what kind of people they are. (Delusional)

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BUT!

Bleeding edge is named for a reason. You never get the "Polished" experience. That's stable software, ugh!. You face breakage. You need to handle things yourself, and maybe you need to work around the issues that you know there will be. [You might bleed.] But that's the fun of it.

Nix is one of the best and frkn awesome package managers + configuration tool there is. One of the best because there is guix and docker and things I don't know about. I love it. The best feature that nix has, has been an experimental feature since ages called 'flakes'. It's more streamlined, more portable and more sharable. And it takes it's my time. Writing things in nix is easy when you are standing on the shoulders of giants but when you have to write it yourself. It'll take time. Making multiple changes also needs multiple checkups and evaluations to complete which is a drawback of Nix. Making changes is slow!

Ricing For those who don't know, is a term for "customizing your desktop/interface". has been one of my biggest reason to use Linux. Also the very first reason. Making your computer feel like it's yours, that's ricing. Ricing requires a lot of hit and trials and changes and rebuilds. It's not much of an issue because most configurations live reload. In normal conditions.

Now, when you combine all these three things, having bleeding edge software, using Nix and Ricing. You get my setup. Which is fine when others reference from my work. But, having packages unavailable for Nix; requires you to build it yourself. Not in the normal sense of building, it must be the Nix way. Then, loving to rice means multiple changes, and with Nix, you can forget lazy loading; enjoy waiting minutes which would have been done in milliseconds. Overall, it's not the best experience ricing in Nix. But, Might be the worst when all these things come into play.

So, that was my morning like today. Ricing on Nix with bleeding edge software. Somehow, I love it. Both, the journey and the destination.

Stockholm Syndrome indeed!

Meet me if you want to see the rice. ;D

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Well, from the above text you already know that I am suffering from stage 3 procrastination. Don't search about it, I made it up. I procrastinate waking up as well. I consciously know that the thing I am doing is not good but, I still procrastinate.

A day has 24 hours and keeping at least 6.5 hours for sleep, the day time is 17.5 hours, which I waste each day every day by procrastinating. Sometimes I sleep at day even after sleeping 9 hours from 00:00 to 09:00 just because I know that I have to do something but don't have the will power to do it. I just give up and sleep. Another way to ignore things is to watch endless feeds, shorts, even YouTube videos, or frkn start watching a series or a movie.

I realize that I have time, but I don't use it. I don't utilize it. I have time to do almost anything I want from exercising, to going to walk, to writing something, to practicing programming, to tinkering Linux to studying. I have the time to do all these things and still have time to do extra things. theoritically

Brain rot! It is a problem, I am addicted to my devices, if I turn one off I need to turn another on. I need to. Even when going for a walk, I keep checking my steps on my phone. Which, though is normal, feels bad still. Some podcast playing, some music in the background, at least something that keeps me stimulated, I need that. I realize it, I try to fix it, and I get withdrawals. I need to replace these habits with some healthy alternatives.

FOMO, is the main thing reason/excuse to keep using these feeds, from YouTube or even mastodon. Even though there is nothing new, I keep on scrolling to find if something new comes up. I do find new things each day but finding them doesn't spark joy. I just find them and move on to searching the next new thing. It's endless.

I think I need to stop fearing and just miss out on things. Adapt a more healthy way of finding new thing from my friends or people I follow instead. To just miss out would be difficult, but I feel it is necessary. I have accumulated enough new things that I feel like I need to choose some and master them and just miss out on other things. I feel like I need to stop giving in on the algorithms and start missing out. I do know that I miss out on so many trends, just because I don't use Facebook or Instagram or Twitter for that matter. But, even beyond those, I am addicted.

Hopefully, I canI will! change like I always say I will. I want to stop falling to the same traps again and again and I want to stop making the same mistakes again and again.

STOP! MAKING! THE! SAME! MISTAKES! AGAIN! AND! AGAIN!

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I aimed to be a scientist, and to be one requires a lot of dedication and skill and also a lot of resources and funding to sustain it. The structure that I have seen fund these scientists is that they teach as their profession in their field and for that the faculty gets grants to fund their research as well as giving them a salary to sustain Life.

But, the environment I described should be the norm, and it isn't where I live. I have to tag it as an Ideal Scenario. Teachers who should have been the most respected people are almost hated and teaching is seen as a last option profession.

I love the fact that teaching is a profession which is very social and almost "open source" with nothing to hide, and can be modified to fit the needs without restrictions, by any capable teacher. But, its status in the society, even on campuses is very bad. unrespectful, untrusted, hurtful

By not making the environment optimal as I have described above This system is practiced in almost all developed countries., we get teachers who have to repeatedly teach the same course surrounding preformatted exam question patterns with very little room for letting the teachers explore how they want to teach and how they want to test the students. Resulting in fewer chances for teacher-student discussion and interaction, and in a monotonous nature that causes teachers to lose interest in teaching itself. Repeating the same thing for tens of years is very frustrating; I assume. And it taking up all the time of the day, and teachers having to end up tired at night and having to repeat the same cycle again another day just kills the potential of teaching as a profession for Innovators and Pioneers.

A student in this system would not want to be a teacher at almost any cost. I have respect for all my teachers who are new and are energetic, and who are old and have been so frustrated that they lost the fun in teaching and now do not care much. I hope someday this will not be the case, because I assume that this education structure will only lead the capable teachers and researchers to leave the country searching for a better place while the students are left to be taught by less capable people, only to end up losing interest and not caring about educating students at all.

Hopeful!

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First you buy(make) a ton of locks that can be locked without a key but can't be unlocked without your key. There should only be one key that unlocks the lock and only you should have it. Then, you distribute your locks everywhere where your friends who send you important messages live, distribute them in public, they're just locks that only your key can open. maybe send a bag or two of those locks to them.

When sending you a letter ask your friend to quickly lock their letter in a box becomes letterbox with their own lock+key that both locks and unlocks the box for convenience. Then ask them to lock their key that they used to lock the letter box (letterbox-key) using the lock you have given, whenever they are sending you a letter. The message is secured.

Now tell them to parcel the letter That is locked using their key and their key is locked with your key in any way they want because no one except you can unlock that box since only you have the key to unlock the box to get their key that they used to lock the letter. You get two boxes, a box that contains the letter, and another box that contains the key of your friend to open the letterbox secured by your lock.

To open the letter you open the lock of the box that contains the letterbox-key using your key. Then you open the letterbox using the letterbox-key. then you throw the letterbox lock+key that your friend used because it's only needed once -- like a disposable lock. And enjoy the letter.

Your friend locked the letter with his own lock+key first because it is easier for them to lock the letter with their own key, and it's simpler to lock that small key with the lock you've given.

This is how PGP works. In summary:

1. You distribute your public "lock" to everyone.
2. Your friend uses a temporary lock (symmetric key) to secure their message in a box.
3. They then secure the key for that temporary lock by locking it with your public lock (asymmetric encryption).
4. Only you have the key (private key) to open that envelope and retrieve the temporary key, which then allows you to unlock the box and see the message.

And that's how we send encrypted emails.

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My first domain was scientiac.space, I chose a space domain not because .com wasn't available, but I wanted it to be unique. Like, it was my space in the internet. I set up almost everything using that domain, everything I could, I did. I use it as a blog on scientiac.space and as public notes notepad? at map.scientiac.space and many other things. While developing the blog, I checked the link preview card by sending the link to messenger, and I did it so many times that this site got flagged as spam at Facebook. Not just facebook, but throughout the whole meta services.

I then decided to buy another domain called, carboxi.de which was a cheap domain because of .de, and I wanted it to sound cool. Like, lobste.rs I used carboxide as the way to share my blog on Facebook. That was all it was used for, for some time. But, now it is another blog which I use to write without thinking too much. It also is like a computer club where I give subdomains to my friends to use. And this domain though it doesn't have space in it, it has been my safe space.

edit: Friday, April 24, I lost this domain because I tried to pay the exact last day the domain was about to expire and didn't realize the domain already expired, because the .de domains usually expire before the said date.

This is what happens when you ignore the warnings and procrastinate.

Then out of stress I bought 3o14.com in the middle of my ongoing exams. I am a nerd and I wanted something that represented me, and it was 'pi' the letter that had multiple meanings, not just mathematical TT. I could not just buy pi.com or 14.com to make it 3.14.com because getting 2 lettered domains is super expensive and difficult. I thought of 3point14, but that was too long. I came up with 3o14 that looks like 3.14 and is pronounced 3o14 but represents 3point14.

I love these places I have on the internet, they are a part of my personality and I don't think that I can ever lose them.

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Instead of taking the free product and making it a paid one ofcourse the product needs resources and hard work to build, it is instead added with adverts to pay for the users. In a way it may be a good way to keep the product free and also the users happy, it isn't something that keeps being good as the product needs more funding and more resources, as it is updated and upgraded. Slowly the ads start to seem like they are the part of the product and gets more and more closer to the service making it very hard to distinguish, and eventually making the service/product be the problem itself looking at you meta and google and x and y and z and....

The same goes with subscriptions, if the service giver has to keep making efforts to provide the service it makes sense to pay as a subscription, but if it is a product that works without the provider having to continuously make efforts or use their resources, it doesn't make any sense to make it a subscription. Looking at you adobe, it would have been fine if it was " pay to upgrade" to the latest version if I needed the new feature.

Pushing down ads and subscriptions both down the throat of people is the next level of Enshittification, yes! You Netflix. Microsoft, Meta, even Reddit is not safe from enshittification. The experience gets worse, but the price keeps on increasing. Yes! it is very difficult to make money to sustain companies but when the users are hooked to the service/product the quality degrades as the priority now is to make money instead of user satisfaction. The user stay because other users are there, and the other users stay because the other users are there. looking at you, everything that has been enshittified

I am not against ads or subscriptions because I love free things and as a student I need them. But it would be great if there was a clear separation between the ads and the actual thing, like, i don't want to dodge ads while searching for the content, I want the content and it's fine to put some ads in it. And it would be great if the thing I paid for remained usable as it is without any updates If the updates were necessary, I would be happy to pay for it. and without having to constantly connect to the providers.

I use Linux, Inkscape and Krita and vim and Firefox, so that I don't have to deal with these things, but seeing this problem creep into Firefox, I wasn't very happy. I think focusing on user experience is better for both the provider and user, but what do I know? I am not a company.

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Circles, the group of people you surround yourself (like surrounding) with. The people you know you can trust, or the ones you know about what they like and what they don't, or the ones with whom you feel safe with. These people are an audience who will generally not get offended by your jokes, because of the fact that they know you and your intents and you know them and their intents.

Being Offended, the emotional response that occurs when someone feels hurt, insulted, or upset by something that has been said or done. Jokes are one of the many reasons for people to feel offended. Normally, down kicking offends people because it plays with social taboos, minorities and societal issues. There is no limit on who can be offended, but it is easier to offend a person you don't know than to offend your friend.

When a joke that involves down kicking reaches an audience whom it wasn't meant to be, or it is stripped out of context to only make it as an insult or a generalization, it becomes a problem. For example: If my friend says that Anything I talked can be boiled down to three things, "failed feminism, failed exams and failed breakup", I wouldn't be offended but if it came from someone I don't know, I will be very concerned that one of my friend is a bitch and I would be very offended about the statement. It will be considered as a statement, not a joke.

Jokes have the power to communicate the goods and bads of the society whilst making people laugh about it. It has the power to act as a protest. It has the power to say something and make people think about without being harsh. Political jokes and mockery has been with us from centuries. Jokes about sexism, racism, feminism, superstitions help spread the narrative of the subjects while making people think about if the mockery doesn't belong to them because they practice the things.

One, major problem with jokes is that it might trigger people, a mockery could be very hurtful if it has traumas from the past attached to it. I have been called gay It was known to be a thing to be made fun of, to be gay back then when I was in school, at least for my classmates. by the bullies when I was in college, and it was because I used to talkcommunicate to girls like they were my friends without thinking they were "girls" which other boys didn't do. It was very demeaning, It went to the point that almost everyone in my class knew me as gay and had to call me gay if they had to provoke me. Back then, if anyone called me gay, I would be very offended. Ofcourse I have grown up from it now.

So, if there is a trauma attached to the joke people can get offended, but in a circle, where people know and trust each other, the chances of jokes hurting someone is very minimal. This is to say that every word that comes out of someone's mouth isn't what they mean, it might just be a regular phrase in the circle, which for people outside the circle can feel offensive.

I know that my friends don't intent to hurt me and my feelings and only want to get a laugh from my "weaknesses" when they make a joke about me, and I do it too, because jokes helps us remember the mistakes we made, of times when things were bad, it makes us appreciate about who we are today and who we want to be from that moment.

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I like to walk, I mean I love to walk Out of my multiple first loves, it is probably my first, first love., Haha, giving importance to "first" isn't uncommon, but first most of the time is the worst. And it should be. And about walking, I never think how the destination will bring me joy, because the activity the experience of just walking gives me the utmost joy. Better if I have a fried to talk walking with me. But alone feels great. I can't decide on one, I mean walking is great (for me, you might not like it.).

So, what I mean is that I love walking, I mean we are happiest when doing things and not (as much) when we achieve what we ought to. When we want something, we are the happiest when we are pursuing to get it, but it loses a lot of the essence when we actually get it.

I just thought about this, but revenge, the thought of getting a revenge is always the strongest, but after getting one, it just feels bad. So, kids don't take revenge (It's a bad thing to do).

I don't think there is more to write about this, the statement title gives it all.

I'll just make a part 2 of this if I come across something else that I can write about it.

Goodnight now! ;-)

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They say "Never meet your heroes." because, yes you are right, they are people too and they are most likely to make mistakes. And when someone is exposed to only seeing the best side, the goods, the perfects, it should be very disappointing to them to see their heroes struggling just like they are.

Every moment when enjoyed will come to a sad end. The more happy you get, the more able you'll be to be sad. Every sad event in life follows by a happy one and/or vice versa. You save some time, you lose some time because of it. You automate a 2-minute process to save time, and you end up losing a day.

So, I think that is why they say, "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself as a villain." Because nothing is perfect, no-one is a hero forever. Unless they die doing it and is the last thing they were known for. To die a natural death always brings up the chance that you die a villain And by a villain I don't mean someone who does cruel things, it might just be someone who isn't able to live up to the growing standards.

Every person has gone through drastic moments in their own way, they all have an image that they successfully defeated their "villain" while living life. They all have one or the other ability to influence someone's life in a good way, making them a hero to them. And yet, they will never be able to sustain the status for forever.

Intent and Communication are vastly separated. I suppose that is why we expect aliens to have telepathic abilities to communicate. Words are lost in translation so much that a good intent can be communicated badly. By, this I am not suggesting that every intent is good and it's communication to blame. One way or other a hero will die, but if they live long enough, they might just understand why/how villains are born.

Absolutely doesn't mean one can't be a hero twice. Reborn a hero to die as a villain again and again.

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We being digital citizens have always changed ourselves when we see a camera. From standing straight without moving in the past times when cameras were slow, to posing and smiling today, we have always changed for the camera. It has become an obvious thing to pose to a camera.

XD Actually, I initially started writing this article to criticize posing and manipulating the situation to capture a camera pleasing version of the subject but the truth.

I understand that we humans crave attention and acceptance. By being accepted to a group/society is how we survived while evolving, making it the main trait of humans. So, it seems fair to make oneself look good or cool, or attractive, or beautiful when presenting to a social place /media.

It's like the concept that if there were no laws against it, too many people would commit crimes. If people didn't have to, people wouldn't. But, my problem with it is that it changes the memories as it actually was, to something else. We almost never get "authentic" memories, because if there's a camera recording them, people change how they behave. Maybe surveillance isn't as bad as I think it is. XD I'm just joking, it's bad.

This is a very long way to say that I like candid pictures, you might think. Yeahh, sorta, but also, I like (to capture)/(the captures of) people as they are at the moment; smiling, dancing, even crying because that's when we show those emotions as we ourselves are.

This text was also supposed to be about how people never show their real self we never present the real truth in the social media, and we should never take the pictures of social media as a reference for how the person is. It's merely a depiction of how they want to be seen at that moment of their life.

But all in all, it's justifiable to put pictures that "look" good instead of "truth" For society as well as for oneself. because yes! I like to be accepted by people who think what I want to be is cool and yes! I like to remember my past as happy and beautiful, even if it really wasn't.

Pictures will lie and can lie and will keep on lying, so I choose to meet people instead of their pictures. To get a more human understanding of their personality. To know the people as they are.

Look at me bouncing back and forth on my own opinion, maybe this is what being gray feels like, but I like it.

If I were a superhero, I'd be called "grayzone". or "middleclass" or "brown" because I myself am neither white nor black.

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Complaining about teachers feels very wrong, it makes me feel like a "bad" student. I wish I could trust each word Even if not a 100 but 95% from their mouth when teaching, but that isn't possible. At least I think that isn't possible. I should not have to cross-check if my teacher said something wrong, and I noted it down, It should be enough to know the basics about the topic with confidence when they teach it. This isn't much of a big deal when they are teaching their own subjects, which they have been teaching since ages, but the fact that I know what is correct, and I am being taught what isn't If only it was that one time. makes me super worried about the validity of everything else I have learned from them. This made me sound more arrogant than it should be, I don't mean to be arrogant.

The other thing is professionalism, some of my teachers aren't professional In terms of behaviour. at all. Some think they are superior to other teachers and by that power they can do almost anything. Sometimes students are ignored/crushed under the ego of some teacher. Which makes me see them in a very negative way, and I don't want to feel that way. Some of the blames for un-enthusiasm for teaching can be blamed on the system as well, because the end result is determined solely by tests that don't really relate to teacher's teaching methods and how they want to test their students.

Teachers and students are interconnected, one cannot exist without the other. So, not everything is to be blamed to the teachers. I feel the lack of respect from the students to their teachers. Arriving in time for the class is one of them. And with my observation, if more students respect a teacher, more students, arrive on time for their lectures. But when the system is such that teachers have very little effect on the results of the students they teach, the respect for them immediately shallows down.

If a teacher can take tests in their own way and evaluate students for what they have analysed and came to the conclusion of how they have to test the students and the results depended on how the students did in the entire semester and not just a 3 hour + 1 hour exam, both the teachers and students will develop a relation that is respectful as well as collaborative and enthusiastic. This way both the teacher and students could sustain each other, and even work together to solve new problems they come across.

On the other hand, the tests done at the end of the semesters just takes away the power of the teacher to know the understanding of their own students and further degrades the relation of the teacher and their students. Because, it encourages knowing what to write instead of understanding the subject. When, sitting through the lectures and solving problems for the assignments though in theory should help a student to solve real life problems if they come across it. Instead of that, I feel like I am learning to write things in the exams and forget about them after exam.

For all this, there also arrives a question that, if I have to learn about the things I have come to learn, from my own research at home, or orrrr if I have to just practice the past papers and optimize my writing according to what it wants, why come to college at all? Why not go there just for the exams? But, yeah there is a catch there too, I have to attend college just for the sake of attendance because lower attendance means no entry to the exams.

I just hate sitting through a lecture I have to fact-check afterwards, which doesn't give much info for how to solve the questions for exams because what the lecturer taught doesn't align on how we are tested afterwards, and feeling like I could have learnt a little more or practiced for exams a little more if only I knew what to learn next for the course (which I can find out myself as well).

The lectures are important enough to understand the subject, but not enough to pass the exams. And Prioritizing exams just cuts off from the learning, understanding and problem-solving aspect of college time.

Also a reason why there aren't much published research papers from my uni.

Note: I wrote a follow up to this.
"Teaching: a failed Profession for Pioneers and Innovators"

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Studying and memorizing things was never my forte but I got fine enough grades that I was counted as one of the good students in the class. I was never brillient and never bad, I didn't really study that much but I wasn't out of answers to write as well. I have always been told that I can be excillent if I "study harder" but I never did.

I did get good grades so all my parents and relatives felt like I could do something in life that'd made me better than others. In other words, they felt like I would be "sucessful". I still think that I am a good student and I can get good grades if I study. But, the reality is different. I am addicted to ignoring the subjects if I have to give exams on them.

The fact that I feel that I am someone who should get good grades and I am failing subjects in the engineering course that I chose and love says so much about me and my study habit. Which isn't a habit because I almost rarely "study". I explore the internet, I get facinated by the people and things they can do, and wish that I could do those things too. But I am afraid to try because if I feel like I failed when I put the effort the "Good Student" in me is going to die.

If I study and still fail the exams I would be someone dumb. I leave the possibility that if I had studied I would have passed and the reason I failed is that I hadn't studied. Though I can write about and and am conscious about it, I have never made myself get up and do something about it. Sometimes it makes me feel like it is too late and my brain has matured that it cannot mould itself to learn new things.

Whenever exams arrive I get super active and I am able to do the project I always wanted to do. Or I watch the movies that I kept aside saying they took a lot my time from study hours, And still not studying. I try to minimize every distractions from my phone and everywhere and slowly within few days I have everything enabled again. I try to study for an hour and fall into a deep rabbithole of researching about this new interesting thing I found and forget about what I studied. And the fact that I had to study as well.

The worst part is that, being conscious about everything I am not able to change myself, and I feel like it's too late every time. Every exams I think about these things and fail, and this is the 6th semester I am at. Meaning I have been the same person for 2.5, almost 3 years with no change. And by change I mean improvement, because I have degraded from everything I used to do before as well and that wasn't really the change in me I was looking for.

I have lost at everything I hoped would build me up for the past three years and I am scared that I wont be able to change. I am scared that I won't ever be like the kid people saw in me before. I am scared that I could never satisfy myself by being what I want to be and I keep hoping and not doing anything about it.

I keep wishing for things instead of working for it. I think I need to develop a habit of working but I am very bad at it. Ironically, I who think that change is the best thing a human can do, haven't changed to what I want to be. I don't want to repeat this the next time I am near an exam.

Also, weirdly enough I am having an anger issue which I never used to have. I feel like I am crossing the limit. I don't want to see myself as pathetic anymore. I hope the ones who are reading this would see the change in me. I'll work on it.

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I personally learned about it from the show 'Money Heist'

The reason why I am talking about it is, like most of the time, I relate it to tech I use. Nix, an operating system, a package manager and a FUNCTIONAL programming language. It is a thing that I love as of right now in the linux/*nix world *nix because it works on macs as well but, today when I was chatting on niri's it's a wayland compositor matrix and YaLTeR who is the main developer of niri mentioned that our relation with nix is giving the syndrome's vibes.

I thought about it and it really made sense. It is difficult to use for some time until you get the hang of it. Then it gets super easy, installing packages and starting services will be a breeze. Then when it comes to ricing and things that are done with hit and trial, rebuilding the entire config each time which takes a lot of time gets frustrating. And don't even ask how to get something running if a package you need isn't already packaged for nix. Which is very rare but it's not as simple as following instructions from that package's repo.

I knew about these issues before I even felt like nix was easy and by easy I mean, by practice not inherently easy like Ubuntu and was something to keep using, it was kinda like a prison back then, but now I feel like I cannot use any computer without it.

I guess it is Stockholm syndrome indeed. XD

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This site is directly inspired by manu's site but I wanted to add my own touch to it as he also has given to it. I wouldn't say his site lacks personality because I loved the design and the minimalistic approach of his site that I wanted one for myself too. But, to make my site more personal and unique in itself I added a handwriting style text for my inner voice inner voice... inner voice... for the things I think while writing.

Take a look at this logo. It is made up of completely straight lines. It's minimal as well as unique. This is scientiac's logo and he talks about it whenever he gets the chance to. He is very proud of it.

But, thinking about personality, I sometimes wish that apples were rainbow colored and the window glasses were tinted with colors.

A colorful place for colorful minds.

But, ("but" strikes back) I love a good minimalist approach of things. I like the new mozilla logo. I like the fact how the new Pepsi's logo look and yes I do love GNOME's foot. (Wouldn't call it a fetish though. XD)

Because they have their quirks and their own personalities.

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Some in context, too many people are showing their barbaric nature these days. Harassments, rapes, murders and other cruel incidents are not new but, they are hitting out eyes and ears very often. We might associate these things with the development of communication systems, but in my opinion these incidents previously didn't see the light of the day were buried for the sake of seeming civilized. Thankfully, we ourselves can mediate an incident to a huge mass because of the social media and hence, we are seeing the true nature of these people. We can safely assume that we live in a society where there are very many uncivilized people than we currently suspect there are.

"Power" a vague word, representing status, richness, strength, authority, connections, prestige, heritage and a lot of things has become the biggest cause of the barbaric nature of people. Discrimination as always been the issue, because we have differences, we also have freedom, but the imbalance of power causes it more than regular human uncontrollable differences. Entitled people who think they are above anything anyone mostly want their position to be the same and don't want people growing, going against them. This makes them feel powerful and hence misusing this power they try to get away with uncivilized things. How do you think corruption increases? And the more corruption there is, the more hiding of crimes will happen because, yes! Nobody wants to seem uncivilized.

Corruption, meaning to decay to rot, or as we know today by the act of misusing the power for the good of oneself preserving one's civilness hiding from the law, has become the main cause for the increase in barbaric nature of people. If the whole system is corrupt the whole society has to adapt to it, and if the society adapts to a corrupt system, people don't see the law as law but, a list of what to hide and what to show to look civil.

Reputation plays a vital role in a society to make and break people. To be a reputed person, the person needs to become civil as well as powerful, and to lose reputation losing one of those two traits is enough. Social humiliation is the worst nightmare of people, and they will do anything to not let it happen. But in an uncivilized corrupt society reputation can be bought with enough power or money. And hence, no matter how civilized a society, a city, a country may seem; no matter how proud they seem, no matter how rich they seem, if they are corrupt they will never be a civilization. And as long as the people in power are corrupt, the people who are actually civil will never get justice.

Realization for corrupt people requires extremes extreme conditions. They don't relate to the pain that others are facing. To realize they need someone close to them to go through the same pain or someone to 'die' and for people to assure them that that shouldn't have happened. I don't think these people realize that justice can never be served to a dead person. From hiding crimes to letting them happen, the reputed but, corrupt people of our society have always gotten away with these things. And people can never be safe nor feel safe under a corrupt system which fakes its barbaric nature with a cloak of civilization.

Why did I write this?

Because, I live in a such a country which neighbors another such country.

Nobody is safe here, and justice for our people is just a myth.

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I still like seeing the good in people no matter how they are depicted by the society or a group. Though I have realized that looking at the bads of people is necessary too. Also, the idea of good and bad is subjective to individuals. Something that I find to be "good" may be "bad" in the eyes of others.

For example; I find the idea of using the modern social media to be bad, but there are people who will defend using these media against the problem of FOMO and relevance. And looking from their glasses, I can see that I miss out a lot of context in people's conversations just because I don't use what they do.

I feel the need of remaining quiet. Just to soak everything up, to listen and analyze the context. I feel the need of being quiet and stop talking about the lives of other people. I know that we are social creatures and, especially humans, we crave connection and validation. That's why we talk, we share our point of views, mostly to people that we know will like our view, or so-called good people I being one. who won't feel the need to object the opinion to hurt other's feelings.

I have always said that I am a man of science, I look at the facts, the truths, I like to look people in context of the human psychology instead of something like spirituality. I tend to prioritize facts over feelings, but since I am a human myself and, I am going through a phase where my brain is constantly remembering the memories which when I think about logically should be something to be forgotten or ignored. I have come to the realization that we are not completely in control of ourselves.

We tend to do things that might hurt others, subconsciously. It just happens. Sometimes seeing someone hurt gives a feeling of validation Like, they deserved it. instead of feeling bad about something bad happening to them and you being its cause. I have some very bad opinions about some people, which may be true in the context of me, but for anyone who isn't related to it, it doesn't matter. And I try to remain quiet about those things, and saying my opinions to people about other people. Which I mostly fail to do, because when the feelings hit, I just can't stop. I debate with myself about what is right and what is wrong but at the end, I end up in rage and anger and to minimize it I seek validation and the quietness in me just disappears.

To be quiet is never to ignore something, it's to take it in and not let things out.

***

Hence, I need to respect my own definition and learn to be quiet.

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Like form follows function, love follows fear. Fear determines the trajectory of love.

In the first phases, when you feel the things, you are in constant fear, do they even like you. Saying showing*, actually the love you feel, you're in fear, will they even consider you? Dating doing things together, do they even like the way you do things? Final phase ? do they even think that you are for them? Yeah, all of these if YOU are in love.

The thing is it's not easy to know if someone with you actually loves you.` For me personally, the verbal expression of love, makes it more and more suspicious if they actually don't. I mean maybe it's only me who feels like this but, not being able to know if someone actually does love you is a pain.

I hope tomorrow will be as regular as it can get. These thoughts have just been amplified by the fact that it's the "scary" February the thirteenth.

Well, I don't feel anything this valentine, it's a normal day without a meaning for me while it was different in the before years.

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This might have been a survival strategy for out ansistors, they had to search day and night for food travelling long distances,so they developed a brain to conserve energy to use when it is necessary for survival, like running away from a preditor idk.. maybe swimming through the rivers or collecting food from trees or hunting.

In today's world we dont have to do any of those things. We are safe in our houses, we get food from the market and eat, we use the means of transportation to travel. We can even fly without losing any energy. Just to live, we dont have to do much. not, as much So, the only important thing for us is to use our brain to learn things hoping to make or discover or invent new things from the informaton we have gained probably, something to make our life more easier.

But, the problem comes here; thinking and learning weren't the survival strategies we evloved with. But, in this age those are the most important skills to have, but our brain doesn't give them much importance. I think that's what's wrong with me too. The ability to control our mind sounds preposterous, right? controlling the very thing that controls us. is the most important survival strategy and it is very difficult because we aren't evolved with that.

I can't just say that only evolution affects lazyness, because, the other thing is the environment we grow up in the modern world. The brain develops learning things from this environment, the rights and wrongs, the goods and bads and the grays and everything else. adaptaiton is the other main player in this, not just evolution I mean, it's like evolution but hapenning very fast. And I believe that we all should learn to control our own minds, to focus on something anything from a younger age we should be taught to do that.

To not give up and to keep making mistakes is the survival strategy.

PS: It was Niels Bohr, the great Danish physicist, who said

An expert is a person who has found out by his own painful experience all the mistakes that one can make in a very narrow field.

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Any criticizm seems like it is a personal attack to the persons beliefs. I am just what I am I like the way I am is the biggest excuse for people. Like, sure but that's what an animal without a brain, [(I mean conscience)] would also think of itself. Having a brain means you can think and reason, because you'll be validated by the internet for almost anything you think of and validation is like privacy nowadays. Just a concept.

I am a tech guy. I must have repeated this phrase many times and will go on to do so. And I am very interested by how we can send data from one place to another in different ways, and in speed. And by speed, I mean instantly and the fact that these messages are ignored because, it doesn't matter, because, it's the norm now. Message come and go, they doesn't matter.

But, the problem isn't ignoring messagesI do it too., the problem is ignoring questions. And it isn't just via the internet, or messages. I see people just ignoring the person infront of them and not speaking and just flat out refusing to acknowledge that the person exists in front of them. It's ghosting but standing in front of the person and making them feel like a ghost someone who doesn't exist. I see this in teenagers today and I know that Juvenoya is a thing.

Man it feels bad to feel like a ghost.

Lastly, nothing makes me furiating other than someone not replying to me when I ask something, be it via texts or in real life. Might also because I invest so much of time thinking about communication software.

Like, just say that you don't know if you don't know. Not saying anything doesn't help!!!

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I consider myself a credible person while sharing facts, but when it comes to my daily life, I add one to most of the things while telling it to someone. Because, the exact thing that happened doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel likee, you should feel how I felt when living that moment. about what I am saying. By, telling tthis I might have lsot my credibility a little. But, look I tell you the truth. It's not like I am lying to you.

Okay, for instance, I would say that I solved like 10 bugs today, but in reality I may have only solved 8 of them. Real life clickbait, I guess. But, this is a simple example. The amount I exaggerate is directly proportional to the way I am feeling about it. Like, I would say that I hate someone, but in rality I might just don't like them. So yeah, that's the whole point I wanted to make. I feel like I should not have made this point though.

Please don't subtract "two" from what I am saying, just because I said all this. I feel like you'd do that now.

I only want you to feel it the way I felt it... ( ^◡^)

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The fact that you can get what you want just by asking for it is calming and dangerous at the same time. And when you get what you want just by asking for it, stratigecally or politely it takes no time to get addicted to the comfort of asking.

A simple reminder that what you've got now is just something that can be taken back by the person who gave it to you will keep you on your toes grounded and frightened. And that is a good thing. only if you remember realize it.

Things can be owned by two ways, fortunately the other way is by earning. And this is probably the most important thing to remember because, what you've earned yourself can't be taken by someone else. except for thieves :x

I have gotten a lot of things by just asking for it, sometimes I forget that words are magic from "things" hardware to "love" software? (´ᴗ`‘). The thing that I have realized from my experiances is that like other things that I try to do myself until it is not possible I have to get things by earning things myself. I have said ""things"" so many times, it has stopped making sense XDXD

Quit asking! unless urgent? Asking is necessary, but only when it is a necessity

Nights now! zZz

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Take microsoft windows for instance, I haven't even used it nicely yeah I am a linux guy but I know so many points reasons to hate it, and once I made my mind saying I hated it, I found more and more things to hate it even more.

Like love, hate is also a strong word. And it is Heavy. Like love, hate also loses it's meaning if used too often and too many times. I have used "too" here, don't say that it doesn't, too much of anything is bad. And that is why I want the things I hate to be small and meaningful It's kinda like unblocking some people on <your social media here> because the blocklist is getting crowded. What do you mean you've never done it? .

Along with hating, forgiving is essential too. And letting people know what they have done wrong to deserve hatred is one of the best things that can be done Also one of the toughest things though. So, the life As in, something with life ends faster than something with half-life. of hate is as long as you want it to be and so is the life of love. But we are talking about hate, here.

Though I am talking about hate and love here, it isn't really binary. You can have a bit of both in something like, I love NixOS It's a linux distro. but I hate it because it sometimes makes a simple things complicated. I mean, it'll be doable. But, at what cost? Time!

Enough of this talking, I have work to do. Lastly, learning to hate is essential, because it has a purpose and like love. I am feeling cringe while writing "love" but not "hate", ohhh me.

Love a little hate a little more. XD

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.

You might be wondering how I know that you're awesome!
Because I know you read this via RSS.